Hopkins is a diverse university where an incredible mix of cultures, academic interests and personalities coexist and thrive. Here is the section where you can publish your unique thoughts, ideas and perspectives on life at Hopkins and beyond.
Two weeks into starting college, I joined my first lab, a number of student clubs and enrolled in many pre-med classes. As a first generation student, it was safe to say I was led in a blind eye, never knowing which step was the right one. As long as I moved forward and kept on doing what I was doing, that was all that mattered.
To go back to my one-square-mile hometown for Thanksgiving is to buckle my younger self into the passenger seat of my mom’s red Kia and take her for a drive. At every stop sign in my old high school parking lot, there is a new wave of nauseating nostalgia.
It is 1994. She’s shopping at Pottery Barn with her boyfriend. He needs help furnishing his apartment — she has deemed him hopeless at all things decor, and besides, the furniture she picks today will soon be theirs, so she is careful. Meticulous. Precise.
When I was younger, my mother would always tell me that I would be remembered by my title: a great lawyer, a Hopkins graduate, an expert in international studies. I never realized why this idea always rubbed me the wrong way. I began to wonder: will my entire life be reduced to my work?
I want to let you in on a secret. Or, rather, a lesser known fact: The USS Constellation was originally built by a Stodder! Cue the double-check of my last name.
Exhaustion and boredom have been ornamenting my dialogues recently. I get asked how my day has been, and without even thinking, I respond with “Tiring.” I come home to my roommates and all of our conversations about school conclude with “I need a break so bad.” At this point of the semester, I don’t recall a single day where I did not overhear the statement “I can’t wait until the semester is over.”
We meet when we are small. I have a side part. You’re growing into your smile. Sometimes my mom drives you home from school and we do homework together on my bedroom floor: pre-algebra and five-paragraph essays. We talk about our middle school boyfriends that we acquired in tandem. You insist yours isn’t gay. In your room, the walls are lavender and lined with old softball trophies. We read the same books; we wear the same socks. You teach me how to bake. My job is to eat the extra chocolate chips. I braid your hair before I go home so you can wear it wavy to school tomorrow. I leave your house with capri leggings covered in dog hair and cookies in my backpack.
I was optimistic. I was ready to be in the nation's capital, not only to witness history unfold but to simultaneously analyze it within a historical context. I wanted this semester to be the semester — the one where I would finally explore all of D.C. (long overdue as a Northern Virginia native).
I’ll never forget the moment I saw “You’re Admitted” flash across my screen. I was sitting criss-cross applesauce on my bedroom floor, working on an AP European History project when I received an email notification saying there was an update to my portal. I set my phone up to capture my reaction. I tried to tame my excitement by muttering, “Who cares if I get into Johns Hopkins,” but inside, I craved the validation of an acceptance. As the screen lagged, my anxiety built and I covered my computer, shielding myself from the possibility of rejection. Finally, the page loaded, and there it was: a banner of acceptance. I laughed, clapped and immediately shared the news with my family.
“Love” is one of the most — if not the most — elusive emotions for a person to experience. Whether you’re an artist or a scholar, defining “love” is a nearly impossible task. Perhaps due to its abstractness or broad definition, conveying this emotion is an intricate skill that takes years to perfect.
Recently, I turned 20. While starting another decade of my life felt heavy in its own right, I had been anxiously anticipating this moment for so long that reaching the milestone brought an unexpected sense of calm clarity. For the first time, too, I didn’t shy away from celebrating myself. And for the first time, I didn’t wait for others to notice or wish me happy birthday first.
I haven’t yet met anyone on this campus who hasn’t been exhausted, at some point, by the time November rolls around. Still, every other day I trick myself into thinking that burnout is an isolated experience.
Sometimes, as I walk towards my dorm and look for my keys to open the door, I can feel his presence, creeping behind me as an overwhelming void of disapproval trails the steps I have taken. I can hear him grunt and scoff at me looking for the right key, as if he expects more.
First Year Seminars (FYS) seem to be one of the most defining features of the “Hopkins First-Year Experience.” From uncovering the secrets of “Why We Science?” to snacking in “The Literature of Food,” there seems to be an endless supply of knowledge ready to be unveiled by the next unsuspecting freshmen.
Politics always felt distant, like an endless noise I wasn’t supposed to question. I had always treated politics as something I chose not to participate in or educate myself in. To me, it represented polarity, difference, argument, conflict — nothing of a good connotation.
This year, my younger sibling Ellis was finally able to start receiving gender-affirming care to support their journey as a transgender individual. Ellis has always been their own fiercest advocate, using their voice to fight for their right to existence in a society that has extended unspeakable amounts of hate to children who just want the basic right to live authentically as themselves.
A few weeks ago, I walked into CVS and printed out 114 4x6 photos. My intent was to make a photo wall in my apartment, but given that I am indecisive, I decided to just print a huge chunk of my favorites folder without truly thinking about the sheer quantity that I had selected.
Recently, I’ve been thinking about the things that I’d done for the last time without knowing it. My dad put my hair into a ponytail for the last time on one random school morning in 2014. I played my final solitaire game on our crusty computer in 2016 right before it shut down for good, never to be opened again.
Last week, I caught a particularly annoying cold and lost my voice. As I showed up to class armed with masks and copious quantities of hand sanitizer, I noticed that I wasn’t raising my hand during lectures nearly as much as I usually do. I wasn’t asking my professors questions or answering theirs because of my voice; I didn’t bother trying to speak because I knew it wouldn’t work. Its silencing effect was annoying, and it was particularly irksome because this wasn't the first time my voice had held me back.
Over fall break, I voted in my first election. But that wasn’t the biggest “first” I experienced. That week, I was also called something I had never been called before: a “fucking libtard.”
