Learning about what “growing” means to me

I want to start by opening up about two weaknesses of mine that I am actively working on: one, being more confident in making decisions and two, speaking up. I have always been someone who views situations from many — perhaps too many — angles and perspectives. It may sound like a strength, but oftentimes I struggle to present my ideas clearly and feel intimidated when approaching a person of authority, such as a principal investigator. 

But maybe my ideas aren’t stupid and unrealistic. Maybe I can bring something of value to the table. Maybe I also have the ability to design an experiment starting from the ground up. Maybe I can ask more questions to help formulate my thoughts. I want to push myself to trust my instincts more, step into conversations and grow into the person I want to be — a person who is willing to take up space rather than shy away from it.

I have learned over time that acknowledging weaknesses is equivalent to admitting failure, and that if I could camouflage them, they would eventually fade into the background. But avoidance only magnifies my insecurities. The hesitation, the second-guessing, the fear of being wrong — these don’t just disappear when I choose to ignore them. Instead, they subtly shape how I view myself and interact with others. I realize now that facing weaknesses head-on is the only way to truly grow.

I find everything about decision-making very daunting. I overanalyze everything, whether it’s choosing between deciding what to say in an email, figuring out which food to order on the menu or what color of clothing to buy. I scan through every possibility, weighing the pros and cons. I consult my friends, family, Google or even ChatGPT. But each of these steps can — and often do — lead me to simply look for a way out and ultimately back down from deciding anything. In creative assignments such as design, hesitation can be costly. If I take too long to commit to an idea, I lose time that could have been spent testing and refining. I’ve been working on trusting my instincts recently. Instead of fearing that all of my choices will be wrong, I try to view them as opportunities to pivot and improve. At the end of the day, who cares if you make a wrong decision once? 

Speaking up is another challenge for me. In team meetings, I sometimes rehearse my thoughts multiple times in my head before saying anything, only to find that the team has already moved on. It’s frustrating to feel like I have something valuable to say but cannot muster the courage to actually say it. I think it could be said that this hesitation of mine does not stem from a lack of confidence in my ideas, but from not wanting to sound unprepared. 

But no one expects each idea to be a perfect one; I’m still learning to grasp that mindset. I’m learning that my voice doesn’t have to be polished to be worth hearing. When I hesitate, it’s not because others are stopping me; it’s because I am stopping myself. I assume people will judge my ideas very harshly, but often, they are much more encouraging than I expect them to be. And, even if I embarrass myself a little, it’s not the catastrophe I imagine in my head. People move on; I move on.

I want to be able to recognize that these weaknesses just need balance, and I am learning how to control them deliberately. In my sociology class, I try to raise my hand at least once, even if it’s just a clarifying question. When making decisions, I set a deadline for myself so I don’t get stuck in endless loops of overthinking. Rather than view my weaknesses as hurdles, I have begun to view these areas as points for improvement. They are aspects of myself that I can work on. And, in the process, I am slowly building the confidence to trust my voice, trust my decisions and trust that I belong in the spaces I occupy. 

So, I will continue pushing myself and stepping into conversations even when it feels uncomfortable. I will continue making decisions with the mindset that not every choice has to be perfect. And, to all the readers, I hope you can grow with me. I’m sure we will all grow into who we aspire to be!

Linda Huang is a freshman from Rockville, MD studying in Biomedical Engineering.