If only you knew then, a letter to my childhood self

Dear Janice, 

After a bit of reflecting, here are some things I want to tell you. 

Do not lose your spark. Keep smiling. Ignore what people are telling you to do when your instinct says otherwise. Soak in the California sun for the decade before you get dragged across the country to the East Coast. Soak it all in before the depression of the freezing cold weather, gloomy days and early sun-setting kicks in; before the seriousness of life, responsibilities and worries about college and your future start to trickle into your mind; and before the concerns of society’s opinion and beauty standards interfere with your own self worth. Take a walk at the Stanford Dish. Ride your bike at Seale Park. Skip down those wide sidewalks without a care in the world.

Keep up your dedication to swimming. You don’t have to swim competitively all your life, but try to find joy in it while you have the time. It’s a grueling process, I know. There are often early wake up calls for weekend meets, or late arrivals home from difficult practices. Those are some small sacrifices to make — you simply don’t know what true sleep deprivation looks like just yet. Swimming provides a daily reset, equivalent to journaling or free therapy. Wouldn’t you agree that it’s even quite fun in the rain? Yes, it is also so frustrating when there are thunderstorms, and the coaches keep you in the pool. Finally, an extremely important note: do not forget to wear sunscreen. I know the tan goes crazy, but protect yourself from the sun’s harmful UV rays. 

Take your time and do not grow up too fast. Live in the moment. Go work the lemonade stand even though you and your friends set it up on a not-so-busy street. Go perform at the talent show with an original silly song you and your friends created during math class. Go enjoy the hot afternoons in the school farm even though your jet black hair absorbs all the heat. Go attend all the school plays, particularly the Shakespearean ones that are performed on the playground, utilizing its dynamic stage. 

Continue to get to know people’s character. You will inevitably befriend and trust someone who eventually hurts you, and that is okay. Sometimes people do not understand that what they say can cut deeply to the bone, or what they do can cross the line. It’s a part of growing. It’s a part of life. You have to learn your lesson and move on. You can do your best to not make that mistake again, but sometimes people show up and betray you with different, but equally painful methods. Learn from other people, but again, trust your gut. It’s a delicate balance of trial and error. Try to be the best judge of character, but remember that no one always gets it right. 

Let go of things you have no control over. You’ll constantly wonder what’s ahead to prepare for it — it’s like how you like to watch the same movies over and over again because you know the ending, or how you search up a TV show’s ending to prepare yourself. But life throws surprises at you and unexpected events occur, both good and bad. You will be lucky sometimes. Other times, you will be extremely unlucky, but bounce back. Again, learn what you need to learn and leave it in the past. Dwelling too heavily on certain events will block your path forward, like a boulder that you cannot seem to push out of the way, and so you get stuck. 

Best of luck. Hopefully, this letter will not ruin the timeline. 

Sincerely, 

Your older self

Janice Lin is a freshman from Scarsdale, N.Y. majoring in International Studies and Economics.