On March 28, Netflix’s latest rom-com endeavor was released: The Life List. I’ll admit, I had low expectations. The alliterated title did not inspire high hopes. I love Sofia Carson — the lead actress — but mostly because I watched and loved the Descendants movies as a kid. I was not actually aware that she continued to act after those films. But mainly, my reservations stemmed from how much the plot sounded like it could belong to a made-for-TV Hallmark movie.
Alex (Sofia Carson) is the head of marketing at her mother’s (Connie Britton) cosmetic company. She is in a committed relationship of three years with an adoring, well-endowed boyfriend (Michael Rowland). However, when her mother’s cancer returns and she passes away, a clause in her will fires Alex from the company. In her will, she also leaves a condition that Alex will not receive her inheritance unless she completes all of the tasks on the “life list” Alex made when she was 13. This list includes all of Alex’s teenage aspirations and goals — including getting a tattoo, reconciling with her father and finding true love — and following it sends Alex on a quest for self-discovery...
...And sent me on a quest to rediscover actual quality cinema. The film failed to meet even my lowered expectations for the following reasons.
First of all, it’s so funny to me that Alex’s list included tasks like “learn to play “Clair de Lune”” and “read Moby Dick” because those sound like the goals my mom would set for me, not anything that would sprout from my mind at 13. You could not pay me to do the things I thought were a good idea at that age. I’m pretty sure my goals in life were to have a pet tiger and steal the secret Coca-Cola formula from its vault. I’m not exactly sure I’m on the road to love and self-acceptance with those gems.
But secondly, I found Alex to be extremely unlikable. Throughout the film, she regards the grief of her brothers and family members with apathy and insensitivity. One conversation in particular ruined Alex’s character for me. At some point, one of Alex’s sister-in-laws (Rachel Zeiger-Haag) tells Alex that her brother has been “having a really hard time lately.” Alex responds with contempt: “With what? Raising two wonderful children? Being married to the perfect woman who took the perfect job that I was apparently unfit to handle?” The sister-in-law pauses, then quietly responds, “A hard time that his mother died.”
Alex alone receives special instructions and videos from her mother to help her mourn and pull her life together. Yes, Alex’s grief is significant and not trivial, but I can’t help thinking that she has two other siblings struggling in their own way to cope with the loss of a parent. Her friends and family members seemed to exist as quasi-therapists onto whom she could dump her emotions, but rarely do we get a genuine conversation that shows she cares about how her loved ones are doing and feeling. These supporting characters seem to exist solely to orbit around Alex, which in turn makes them seem shallow and devoid of any meaningful personality.
And third, all of Alex’s romances in the film were upsetting to me. Her initial long-term boyfriend was clearly intentionally horrible, so I at least knew to expect bad things from him. And yes, he was immature, but at least he genuinely seemed to care about Alex and expressed multiple times that he envisioned a future with her. He had career aspirations as a video game designer and company founder. Unfortunately, he also delivered the regrettable line, “I want to make true love to you right now on the Crate and Barrel,” which is hard to recover from. I can’t blame Alex for immediately moving out after that.
Her second romance is with a child psychologist (Sebastian de Souza). My first thought was honestly, “As a psychologist, why are you knowingly dating a woman who is actively grieving her mother and openly trying to pull her life together? Are you not trained to know better? To know that she is in a vulnerable mental state?” It was an immediate no for me, especially since he also had so much baggage himself and constantly belittled Alex and her friends.
But the third romance, which is her endgame (sorry, minor spoiler), is with her mother’s will attorney (Kyle Allen). Hello? Not only is this man supposed to be in a committed relationship of his own throughout the movie, but he is also moving in on the grieving daughter of his client? And when Alex sends him details about the stand-up comedy event she planned to perform to satisfy an item on her life list, he decides to just show up uninvited? I know it’s supposed to be cute and he ends up providing moral support, but let’s be real for a second: If Allen were ugly and old this would be a completely different conversation. He would be a liver-spotted, two-timing creep and we all know it.
So if you have two hours to kill and you’re looking for something fun to watch, do yourself and your sanity a favor and skip The Life List. Trust me, it’s not worth it.
