APRIL FOOLS’: This article was published as part of The News-Letter’s annual April Fools’ edition, an attempt at adding some humor to a newspaper that is normally very serious about its reporting. This is not true.
The Hopkins Housing Operations department recently published a plan for the construction of first-year housing on the Freshman, Keyser and Wyman quads at Homewood Campus. This comes as a solution to the on-campus housing shortage that was a major fear for the incoming class of 2029 after the University’s previous announcement that AMR I, a freshman dorm located on the Freshman Quad, would be torn down.
The decision to construct permanent living spaces on the three quads at the center of Homewood Campus came as a shock to many. However, recent executive orders — a number of which are targeted toward the internal workings of publicly funded, private universities, like Hopkins — have called for a renewed focus on practical skills within the sphere of private education. According to the current Trump administration, this can include the expansion of opportunities for students to expand their survival abilities.
In early 2025, University President Ronald J. Daniels promised to ensure that all federal incentives are applied accordingly within the Hopkins community. In this case, that means the relocation of incoming first-years to small, divided, tent-like structures with outhouses across the quads.
In an email to The News-Letter, Housing Operations outlined their intent in implementing the new plan.
“We aim to address the issue of scarce on-campus living options while also building resilience and a greater connection to the physical aspect of Homewood among the undergraduate population,” they wrote.
The Housing Operations committee — comprised of full-time University — have declined to provide The News-Letter with comments on the process by which this conclusion was reached. Further, they have declined to speak on the implementation of the arrangement or the extent to which federal pressure motivated this decision.
Current students have voiced mixed opinions regarding the development.
“I think it’s a great opportunity for these private school kids to get some dirt on their hands,” said junior Skye Rivers in an interview with The News-Letter. “As long as I don’t have to go into the outhouses, I don’t have any objections.”
Rivers, however, was not the only member of the Hopkins community eager to share their perspective. In an interview with The News-Letter, AMR I janitor Undra Pade expressed firm disapproval.
“These kids are dirty enough indoors. Do they want us to smell them across the entire campus now?” she asked in a rhetorical statement, presumably directed at the greater University administration.
The majority of the Hopkins community has conveyed similar concerns. At the time of the press release, anonymous students gathered and spray-painted “WE’RE NOT GONNA PAY FOR THESE TENTS” on the Blue Jay statue that sits outside the Hopkins Cafe.
The graffiti, seemingly a spin on lyrics from the Broadway hit musical Rent, presents a main cause of the widespread agitation. As research funding cuts and new course requirements stir up anger across the student body, the University has failed to quell the fear that tuition money is being inefficiently allocated in the eyes of the greater Hopkins community.
Within the week following the Housing Operations’ announcement, nationwide news sources caught wind of the story. Since then, it has been a cause of cultural discourse regarding the interference of the executive branch, particularly billionaire and Cabinet member Elon Musk, in the governing of private universities.
Musk responded to these attacks with a post on X.
“If universities like Johns SLOPkins decide to replace freshman dorms with a Woodstock arrangement, that’s #notmyproblem,” he wrote. “No one to blame but yourselves, and maybe Michael Bloomberg. Good luck getting more cadavers on the government’s dime now, NERDS!”
The University has failed to comment on the controversy; in the few weeks since the announcement, they have provided neither alterations to their construction plans nor further information on the nature of the project.
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