From the first time I stepped foot in New York City, I’ve been fascinated by it. The sense of relentless ambition and the feeling that everyone in the city was chasing a dream larger than themselves was completely intoxicating. Even further than that, I wanted to be one of those people: the person who was running from one place to another, trying to grasp any semblance of success that they could. It felt like the perfect place for someone like me: a girl who was always striving for something bigger than herself.
But the other day, as I was in the middle of working on a presentation for my Sino-American Relations class, I found myself thinking, I wish I’d pursued something in the humanities, like English. For someone who was always so sure that I’d wanted to major in Political Science and International Studies, this thought was somewhat out of character for me. Maybe it was the weight of another late night trying to finish my homework, or maybe it was the looming reality that after finishing up my undergraduate degree, it’s straight to law school or a graduate program for me. The thought that politics and international conflict would encompass my entire future for the rest of my life was a constant reminder that there would be little room left for anything else.
The thought continued to linger in my head. What if I had chosen a path that let me connect with my emotions instead of constantly pushing them to the side in the name of productivity? What if I had given myself the space to explore the things that truly make us human like art, literature and philosophy? I’ve spent so much of my life chasing after the abstract idea of success that I’ve forgotten what it feels like to just feel. I’ve always prided myself on being ambitious and never wanting to slow down, but I feel as though I’ve missed something along the way. By constantly looking forward, I realized I never sat and truly embraced the present moment.
When I was younger, my mother would always tell me that I would be remembered by my title: a great lawyer, a Hopkins graduate, an expert in international studies. I never realized why this idea always rubbed me the wrong way. I began to wonder: will my entire life be reduced to my work?
Don’t get me wrong; I’m deeply excited about potentially becoming a lawyer or going into politics in one way or another, but I would never want my career to consume me. Many people tend to self-describe themselves as “workaholics” and prioritize their careers above all else, but I would never want to do that in my own life. Yes, my career will be a big part of my life, especially because I am pursuing something that I’m passionate about. But, at the end of the day, my work and career will be something that I do but it is not who I am. I am someone who cares deeply about her family and friends — someone who is compassionate and will drop everything to help someone else.
Being an International Studies and Political Science double major at Hopkins is a lot of work and the same is said for every other major, and I have no doubt that all of us will be successful within our respective fields. But do not become your job. Embrace the little things around you that make life worth living. Travel the world, try new things and build new connections, because it is these things and more that we stay alive for.
This was a phenomenon I didn’t get to grasp until now: I can be professionally ambitious at my work while also acting childishly passionate to discover new experiences. Even as a kid, I remember going between the two extremes, sailing to and from a constant stream of sentimentality and total emotional numbness. I would constantly flip between two sides of the same coin when it came to feeling the world around me or attempting to feel nothing at all. I feared that my excitement to discover the more trivial would distract me from that big goal I dreamt of chasing, whereas not doing so left me missing out.
When was it ever a good thing to turn off your humanity switch, and when did it become a bad thing to feel too intensely? I became stuck in a tug-of-war between two extremes when I never needed to be. I can do both. I can aim for stars and hope to be a great lawyer, but that doesn’t mean that I have to stop pursuing other passions or taking the time to appreciate the little things in life.
Alyssa Gonzalez is a sophomore from Miami, Fla. majoring in International Studies and Political Science with a minor in Economics.
