Following Donald J. Trump’s victory in the 2024 United States presidential election, my Instagram timeline was nothing but celebrations or protests of his historic triumph. As I clicked through the stories and doomscrolled through my explore page, the content in front of me ranged from reposts praising Trump to statements voicing concerns with his presidency.
From time to time, I noticed that some of my acquaintances had reposted the same post, which featured the caricature of a person pointing to themselves and had the caption, “Guess who will still be your friend no matter who you vote for. Know why? Because that’s called being an adult.”
I agree that different political views don’t necessarily mark the end of a friendship; however, losing friends due to conflicting opinions is acceptable and possible.
Some friendships that sour due to politics stem from rushing into them. Instead of getting to know someone and then calling them a friend, we decide to call them a friend first and get disappointed as we get to know them better. According to research studies, even forming a casual friendship takes at least 40 hours of time spent together, while it might take more than 200 hours to become good friends, emphasizing the length of time it takes to genuinely bond with someone.
Coming back to politics, despite my extensive socialization experience from New Student Orientation back in freshman year and the number of “What major are you?” questions I’ve answered since coming here (you can call me an expert), not a single person I’ve met asked me about my political stance.
I’m not suggesting that they should have. I’m glad that the presidential candidate I would vote for is not what people are most curious about, but it is indisputable that the lack of political dialogue at the beginning of friendships might cause troubles in the future and change the trajectory of a friendship forever — we should accept this. In the case there are conflicts impossible to resolve, people should come to the realization that they don’t have to suffer through a friendship because not doing so would make them less of an adult or upset those that got cut off.
Friendships are two-sided, and they must bring mutual happiness and joy. Upsettingly, politics can ruin that, and I personally hate that it is one of the many factors that create divisiveness within communities (even in families). However, if you can’t change the game, play it. Be selfish; don’t sacrifice your peace if there are problems you can’t get past. If it really bothers you that your best friend turned out to be pro-gun or anti-abortion or pro-immigration, evaluate if that friendship brings you more misery than it does joy. Don’t feel bad for prioritizing yourself and cutting them off.
Similarly, if you lose a friend, try to understand that it is equally hard on their side. Friendship breakups are heartbreaking, yet there might be times where we feel the need to prioritize our values over people for long-term happiness.
College is an era of discovery and this also applies to friendships. Over the years, thanks to the acquaintances we come across and sometimes make friends (or enemies) with, we understand our expectations from relationships better. Maybe many of us didn’t even recognize politics as a major deal breaker before the election season, and this is part of the learning experience.
There might be some who can tolerate such differences better, and maybe such people used to be more prevalent in the past when the policy agendas of Democrats and Republicans had more in common than they do today. Especially now that one party’s agenda features limited access to abortion and campaigns that target the LGBTQIA+ community, it is understandable that many people are less tolerant to the opposing viewpoint. At this stage, disagreements in policy turn into a desperate attempt by disadvantaged groups to protect their rights.
While we should hope and strive for a future where politics do not divide us, we should come to terms with the harsh reality that politics matter, and focus on friendships that give us what we wish for. If differences of opinion are not a reason for you to lose a friend, then keep going, but accept that it might not be as easy for others and that they don’t owe you their friendship.
Buse Koldas is a sophomore from Istanbul, Turkey majoring in Chemical and Biomolecular Engineering. She is the Voices Editor for The News-Letter.
