Recently, I turned 20. While starting another decade of my life felt heavy in its own right, I had been anxiously anticipating this moment for so long that reaching the milestone brought an unexpected sense of calm clarity. For the first time, too, I didn’t shy away from celebrating myself. And for the first time, I didn’t wait for others to notice or wish me happy birthday first.
For as long as I can remember, my birthdays have always been pretty private. I’ve never been the kid who asked for a big celebration or themed party nor did I expect much to happen at school. Even at home, my birthdays were always shared and celebrated in honor of my grandma. My birthday was also two days after Halloween. Every year before I knew it, it was November before I could even process. Unlike most months, something about the shift of the mid autumn breeze from October to November felt strikingly different. November meant the unofficial start of the holiday season and daylight savings, creating a sense of urgency that stole people’s attention. As years went by, I started to accept that birthdays — at least mine — would always feel like a passing moment, never fully acknowledged or celebrated in the way they “should” be.
But this year, turning 20 felt like more than just adding another year to my age. Turning 20 also became a personal testament to braving my hardest battles that have led me to this moment and moments to come. Living to see this day has reminded me of all the things that it took for me to be here. There were days where I woke up and immediately wished my day was over and I could restart before even getting out of bed.
Despite it all, I kept going through tears and holding onto what I thought was lost hope. Instead of giving up like I wanted, I grew to see over time how temporary moments were just the same as my feelings. Instead of letting my feelings dictate my day, I started learning how to take back control and ownership of my life, pushing through discomfort. Looking back today, I realize how much I’ve grown — how much I’ve fought — and how much more resilient of a person I am because of my struggles.
In many ways, the fact that I made it to 20 — when just two years ago I wasn’t sure I would make it to 18 — felt momentous in itself. This personal milestone however also allowed me to realize that above all forms of celebrations, the only person that could fully appreciate this moment was myself. And as my special day came, I was both grateful and surprised to see how much people respected the fact that I was reserving the day in priority to make it home with my family rather than amending to a schedule of coffee chats and meetings. Celebrating my birthday wasn’t selfish or self-centered as I had thought. Having a birthday is a shared feature of being human. Everyone deserves to be celebrated — including myself. It was ok to say no and take the time to do what I was looking forward to most, and I wasn’t any less of a person for it.
So, on my 20th birthday, I gave myself permission to be proud of the person I’m becoming even if I’m still figuring things out and even (or especially) when I have hard times. While I’m still learning and growing, my strength has taught me to hold on to the thought that each day will get better. And while it might not be my birthday every day, every day is still worth celebrating. Just as I've learned (and am still learning) to take the opportunity to celebrate personal perseverance over a special number, I encourage you to celebrate both the big and small moments. I challenge you to take a moment each day and find your celebratory moment. Share it with others, if need be. It will be worth it, I promise.
Anne Li is a junior from Brooklyn, N.Y. studying Neuroscience. She is a Social Media Manager for The News-Letter.
