In April 2020, a little over four years ago, I wrote a letter to myself to be opened at the end of college. It was the summer before my freshman year, a few months after I’d discovered I had been accepted at Hopkins and a strange and uncertain time in the middle of the pandemic. Since then, I’ve mostly forgotten the contents of the letter, typed into a Google document with the title “DO NOT OPEN UNTIL MAY 23, 2024!!” However, I do remember inserting photographs of my current obsessions at the time, and I can imagine that I talked quite a bit about finding friends and a partner, things I’ve always been concerned with. So, in honor of the letter I wrote to future me, I’ll now write one to my past self.
To freshman me: Don’t worry. You always worry. You worried so much that you made a Reddit post asking people what to do in preparation for college. Don’t be afraid to make some mistakes. A fear of looking bad or messing up will prevent you from being adventurous and exploring new things. Worry less about the future and embrace the present, as trite as it sounds.
Don’t be afraid to be disliked by some people. I’ve come to realize that extremes are unhealthy. If you’re absolutely loved by everyone, then you’re not being real, and, if you’re absolutely hated by everyone, then you’re an asshole. By staying true to yourself while still trying to be kind and compassionate, you’ll be loved by the people that matter most, even if you step on some toes here and there.
Cook more. I spent far too much money eating out and buying snacks when I could have tried out new recipes and worked on my cooking skills. Take advantage of your apartment kitchen when you’re inevitably kicked out of the dorms junior year, and aspire to be the next MasterChef. Or, at least, a half-decent one.
Finally, take your writing more seriously and don’t slack off. I entered and exited Hopkins as a Writing Seminars major, and — although I’ve never regretted this choice, as I’ve always loved writing — I do regret the lackluster manner with which I spent my time here. I didn’t take my classes as seriously as I should have, thinking that, as long as I got As, I was doing fine. But, one’s skill in writing isn’t easily expressed according to a metric, and it isn’t something you can cram at the last minute. It requires regular practice, reading and critique. Although my writing has improved in the past four years, it hasn’t improved as much as it could have had I been more diligent in honing my craft.
Really, this letter to my freshman self might also be a letter to my current self. Although I’ve definitely changed in these past four years, I’ve stayed the same in many ways. I’m still anxious, neurotic and a people pleaser. I still worry. I still have many fears. I’m still learning to accept who I am as a person, to love myself and to grow as a friend to others.
In a few months, I’ll be moving to New York City to live with my sister in a cramped Manhattan apartment. Unfortunately, I don’t have a job lined up or a graduate program to fall back on. I’m in the middle of job hunting, and I’m starting to wonder if being a barista might be my only prospect for now. But, I’m also excited and hopeful for the future, and I’m especially excited to devote more energy and time to regularly writing and reading. I hope these next years of my life will be as fruitful as the past four.
Aliza Li is from Houston, T.X. and is graduating with a degree in Writing Seminars. She is a former Voices editor for The News-Letter.
