As we move into the end of spring semester, many of us find ourselves in new rooming situations. Need to force your roommate to move out in order to get your make your McCoy experience a little less awful, or are you just simply a terrible person? Doesn’t matter. Through this series of simple steps, I can teach you how to be the worst roommate possible.
1. Their space is your space: Occasionally find the time to host a study group on their bedroom floor. Make sure all the friends you do this with have a passion for heavy metal music and have only a vague understanding of volume control.
2. Anything in the fridge is fair game: It’s simple; eat their food. This one is perhaps the most fun to carry out.
3. Turn your house into a green house: Fill your space with a variety of (legal) plants, and make sure to stop taking care of them at some point during the year, forcing the responsibility on to your roommate. If you want to go the extra step, you can also occasionally infest the apartment with ladybugs to “deal with your aphid problem.”
4. Never bathe: Though easy to carry out, this step is only for the truly dedicated. After about a month of letting your personal hygiene decline, they should start being able to smell you from their room. Then you know you’ve won.
