Junior Fanny DuVall loves life and is doing pretty great. A unique breed among Hopkins students, DuVall feels good about her future and is unfazed by the looming worry of post-graduation life that is typical of someone in her position.
“I’ve reached a point in my life where I understand who I am and what I want to be,” DuVall, a biomedical engineering major, said. “Really! It’s all under completely control.”
DuVall is involved with many activities on campus from napping on the Beach in the sunshine until the chimes wake her up for class, spending up to six hours a day at the FFC (not including late-night) and finishing her homework twenty minutes before class.
When asked about her totally functional lifestyle, DuVall seemed surprised that anyone at Hopkins could be less than fine.
“This isn’t a hard school at all,” she said. “I mean, I could’ve gone to Princeton or something similar, but I wanted to take the relaxed route, you know? Have a chance to become the best version of me that I can.”
According to friends, DuVall’s best version of herself includes going to lectures hungover, day drinking through the entire month of April and taking spontaneous four-day weekends. Junior Julia Banks commented on her friend’s habits.
“Fanny really is fine,” Banks said. “I think everyone at Hopkins should adopt her lifestyle. If it works for her, why can’t it work for the rest of us?”
However, senior Stacey Lennox, DuVall’s big sister in the Delta Nu Epsilon Theta sorority, disagrees with Banks. She says that Fanny is not fine, and everything is not okay.
“Fanny won’t even admit it to herself, but this isn’t the best way to go through college,” she said. “I mean, I got a 4.0 last semester, and I don’t even think Fanny’s GPA incorporates any numbers higher than zero.”
DuVall is known as one of the most fine students at Hopkins. Her peers have begun to take notice of her habits, and the way she coasts through life at the University recently inspired two student groups to come together to host a discussion called “What is Fine: The Fanny DuVall Effect.”
During the discussion held Tuesday in the basement of Wolman Hall, moderators laid out a typical day for DuVall from morning until midnight, covering all the day drinking and napping in between. Students were then prompted to ask questions about their own lifestyles. DuVall herself was present at the event.
Senior Michael Dunbaum shot his hand up to ask the first question:
“How did you even get into Hopkins?” he asked.
DuVall responded that Hopkins’s acceptance rate is high enough to admit mediocre students.
“It’s not that hard,” she said. “Try Dartmouth — they only accept 10 percent of applicants, and we’re all the way up at 11.5. Their students are much smarter and work much more.”
Dunbaum threw up his arms and left the event, prompting sympathetic looks from the other attendees. Once outside, he proceeded to kick over a trash can while cursing his utterly unacceptable 3.9 GPA.
DuVall ended the discussion with a small speech on how everything can always be fine at Hopkins.
“This school makes us believe we can’t get an A, juggle five clubs with classwork or get a job after graduation, if you’re a humanities major,” she said.
“You’ve never gotten an A in a single class!” sophomore Amelia Black shouted.
DuVall continued, unruffled as usual.
“Regardless,” she said. “You can do anything you want to at Hopkins. We may not be Princeton or Dartmouth, and we may have lost to UMD in lacrosse last year. But we are not hopeless. Everything is fine.”
Since the discussion, DuVall has been reported to continue doing exactly what she has always done at Hopkins. She might graduate with her class, or she may not. No matter the outcome, according to DuVall, everything is sure to work out great.
