Don’t get me wrong, Valentine’s Day means very little to me. But I remember a time, back in the day, when it did mean something. It meant seasonal sweets and a sugar high that lasted six hours. Ah, elementary school days. If you went to a school like mine, you know exactly what I’m talking about. It was a day when everyone was everyone else’s Valentine, because nothing is better than free candy. To honor those glorious days, even though I no longer eat candy and haven’t for some time now, I have devised a commemorative list of Valentine’s Day junk food, complete with commentary.
Without further ado and in no particular order:
Generic Heart-Shaped Lollipops: Classic. All from various brands, usually cherry-flavored. Or red-flavored, as I prefer to call it. Generally inoffensive but nobody’s favorite. A safe choice.
Nerds: Not that Nerds aren’t for any occasion, but I remember them showing up a lot on Valentine’s day, always in pink and white. A real solid choice, in my opinion. Not my favorite candy, but far from disappointing.
Fun Dip: Not holiday-exclusive either, but I only ever seemed to come across it on Valentine’s Day. If you passed out Fun Dip, you were a class favorite, no question. That stuff is rad. Kind of gross, but rad. Talk about a sugar high, though. Today it would probably kill me. My favorite flavored powder was blue — it’s probably called blue raspberry, right? Which is a weird name for a flavor, but always the best flavor nonetheless.
Anything Chocolate: You’re a winner if you gave out chocolate on Valentine’s Day. Chocolate lollipops, Hershey’s kisses, M&Ms... keep living your life; you’re doing it right.
Reese’s Peanut Butter Hearts: Even though I don’t eat peanuts anymore, I will admit Reese’s peanut butter cups are freakin’ amazing. Peanut butter and chocolate should not go together that well. Granted, it’s pretty much synthetic peanut butter, but still. Problem I have with these? Well, it wouldn’t have mattered to me back in the day, but most of Reese’s seasonal candy is not gluten free. I don’t get it. Regular peanut butter cups are, but heart-shaped ones aren’t? Whatever, man.
Conversation Hearts: You’ve either given and/or gotten these at least once in your life. Let’s face the facts: They’re pretty disgusting. I mean, I ate them. I also gave them out as gifts. You know what they remind me of? You remember those chewable vitamins that the pediatrician made you take as a kid? The pink, orange and purple ones? Yeah. Conversation hearts remind me of those, except more disgusting. Well, maybe not worse than the orange ones (and yet there were always so many orange ones). The coolest thing about getting conversation hearts is sorting through them and reading off the sayings, hoping you’ll get the rare smiley face or just one that says something really weird. I hope I’m not breaking anyone’s hearts here by saying this, but of all the Valentine’s Day candy, these are the ones I miss the least. Then again, at least you don’t have to eat them to enjoy them.
That’s all for the candy I remember most. I hope you enjoyed your February 14, whether you were buying your dog a birthday present or buying dinner for your date. Hopefully neither was ruined by the prospect of how much schoolwork you had hanging over your head, but let’s be real. It was a Sunday.
