In my 19 years, I've learned a handful of lessons. I've found these to be the most important:
1. Don’t aspire to be what you don’t want to be.
I’m a big fan of making lists of goals for myself, and often included, “Have a clean and tidy room” - until one day I realized that I don’t really want to be a person with a really clean and tidy room. All I actually want is for it not to be disgusting. Don’t take your aspirations to the extreme out of dumb perfectionism!
2. If you can get over him, get over him.
Don’t go all John Green, “it hurts because it mattered” if you can be quick to get over someone. Don’t deliberately dramatize your life, don’t fool yourself with inner dialogues, saying “He’s not you,” or “Everything is different with you,” or whatever. Don’t think about someone just because you have no one else to think about right now. It is a sure way to create feelings you don’t actually have.
3. Make new friends.
Like someone cool? Call them, friend them, invite them, spend time with them. Or at least try. The people you are friends with only because of circumstance or good memories are the ones who need to go; they’re not really the people who you want to hang out with at this point in your life. Always seek out new, cool people.
Speaking of this point in your life...
4. Don’t say “forever.”
Take it day by day. At this point, if he/she/this is exactly what you want, why think about anything else? If at another point of time you find that it’s not what you want, you’ll have good memories and can (hopefully) easily leave. Then is then and this is now.
5. Have regrets.
It is cool to say you regret nothing, but if you actually don’t have any regrets, you’re living too much on the safe side. Mix it up and shake it out. Do it for the stories. But then again...
6. If you are 100% sure that no good will come out of it and don’t even have doubts about that fact, then DON’T do it for the story. But if you are debating, always go for it.
7. You’ll know if he likes you. Promise.
No signs or metaphors or symbolism. Just interest in what you have to say, and that look in his eyes (you know which). Oh, and actions.
8. You can make a move first, but do you want someone who can’t even man up and ask you out?
I don’t. Some people do. Think about someone you want to be with. Does he go MIA? Does he do/not do what the current person in your life does? If not, then why do you want him?
9. If a book/movie bores you, send it to hell.
I don’t care if it’s a classic, popular, or whatever. Same goes for people.
10. Be radical at first. Then, not so much.
If you are making changes, at first you absolutely need to be radical about them all. For example this year I decided I was not going to take any naps this year and at first went to bed at midnight and woke up at 8 - religiously! Literally, on the dot. Now, however, I am less strict about it all…and I still don’t take naps. Start big, then you can be flexible. Ever heard of inertia? It works in all aspects of life.
11. The second cookie is always less delicious than the first one.
Stay hungry, stay foolish.
12. You need to be selfish about where you want to go.
A well-known piece of advice says that you shouldn’t care about the haters/general public. But you also need the strength not to care about what your mom, dad, aunt, friends, or anyone else close to you thinks about your morals, choices, manners, career, relationship. It’s not going to be easy, but if they really love you, they won’t care. Why would you want to have them if they love someone who is 50 or even only 28 percent you? You need to be brutal about doing you or you’ll end up somewhere that they want you to be. And that’s just pathetic.
13. Be ready for Productivity Police.
If you were questioned about what you did today, how much of the time would be spent on random lingering and BuzzFeed? Make each minute count, stay active, be wise. Or soon you’ll get old and saggy and no one will care.
14. Be informed about politics.
You can not vote. You can start a revolution. But you need to know why! Plato once said, “Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.” You need to keep your eyes open. You vote for people who will make the country suck less; make the right choices.
15. If you are going to be an atheist, make sure you don’t create other gods.
God is really about the the beginning and unifying love. Feel free to not believe in the concept, but if that’s the case, don’t worship anything at all. It’s difficult (trust me, I’ve tried), but don’t claim to be an atheist and replace the idea of God with anything else: people, situations, yourself, things, knowledge, talent, anything.
16. Avoid all addictions.
Whether it’s drugs or alcohol or sex or your education, don’t get obsessed. It’s all about a balance. Balance makes you happy. Don’t be categorical. Don’t be fanatical.
17. Don’t bash what everyone loves. Don’t praise what everyone praises.
Everyone is over the mainstream/cool dichotomy. If you are going to express an opinion, make sure you have taken the time to evaluate and form it yourself.
18. Accept the possibility of an unhappy ending.
Every dream/wish has a part that depends on you and a part that doesn’t. Do the part that depends on you. Don’t worry about the rest. Some people are not talented or smart enough for their dreams and, yes, that “some people” may include you. Remember, Van Gogh died without selling a single painting, but I bet so did 2,328 other painters whose names we don’t know. Maybe your best is really not enough. Look for something else if you don’t know for sure or exchange fulfillment or success.
19. Float.
Float through life. Most of your issues are ridiculous. You’ll be alright, you’ll survive. And even if you don’t, quoting Chicago, “In 50 years or so, it’s gonna change you know, but, oh, it’s heaven nowadays.”
