The other day, as I headed towards some unimportant engagement, I noticed a classmate (let’s call her “Jane”) walking by and offered her my usual enthusiastic greeting. She looked up with puffy eyes and an utterly exhausted sigh, and I could tell that this was not the afternoon for joyful gusto.
“I…I...failed my midterm!!” she blurted.
‘Upset’ does not do justice to her emotional state in that moment. Everything turned out in the end, but as I consoled her with a hug and a cup of chai tea, a bigger issue came to light.
Before you judge, let’s be honest: we’ve all had our moments where we overreact to grades and the like. This particular girl was under incredible pressure from her parents (maybe you can identify with that…), she was dealing with some other stressful life events, and she was hoping to apply to medical school. Honestly, based on what she really cared about and hoped in, her response was somewhat justified.
But herein lies the biggest question (and possibly, problem): where do you invest your hope, and why? That is, to what in your life do you devote your emotional, mental, and physical energy? This is an essential question for all people at all times, and many of the intellectual greats of history have struggled to answer it. Leo Tolstoy, for example, wrestled with these kinds of questions in his Confession: “My question - that which at the age of fifty brought me to the verge of suicide - was the simplest of questions, lying in the soul of every man ... a question without the answer to which one cannot live. It was ‘What will come of what I am doing today or tomorrow? What will come of my whole life? Why should I live, why wish for anything, or do anything?’ It can also be expressed thus: Is there any meaning in my life that the inevitable death awaiting me does not destroy?”
But this question is not just an intellectual exercise. The answer determines how you live, what you value, and, in turn, the source of your happiness. A close examination of each of our lives can point to what our hearts are set on, maybe more than we consciously know. To live a truly meaningful life, we should not only know what we currently hope in, but seek what is best to hope in.
I believe that we, as people, are prone to putting far too much of our hope and confidence in things that ultimately leave us empty, worn out, and discouraged. If we are to live joyful, hope-filled, meaningful lives, we should make a conscious choice to stop trusting in the trivial – the temporary things of this life – and invest instead in what truly lasts. Let’s meditate on what we trust in, the things we devote so much of our time to - academic success, money, creature comforts, friendships, romantic relationships, and so forth - and see if they really meet these criteria.
For example, caring too much (like many of us do) about grades leads us to situations like Jane’s, where failure causes our whole world to collapse - or worse, where success causes us to inwardly (or outwardly!) seek affirmation for our intelligence or our skills relative to our peers. This is a vicious cycle, and I see it every finals period.
Maybe you’re not as school-obsessed, but what about your social life? Some of us put all our chips in this bag, trying to be the funny one, the likable one, the independent one, or dare I say, the hipster one. Maybe you are the partier - you blow off the stress of the week via the joys of Smirnoff. Maybe you’ve put all your hope in your fun or how people view you. But what happens if your friends betray you? What happens when you are the one hurting them? Where is your joy in those moments? What happens when you move away, and the friendships slowly wane until nothing but the memory of them remains? That would be utterly saddening, would it not?
In all of these things, be it relationships or school or work or success or the girlfriend/boyfriend - when we elevate these things beyond what they ought to be, we set ourselves up for disappointment. Isn’t it worth considering that so many people go through midlife crises? Perhaps, just perhaps, it took those people 40 years of life to realize they have hoped in the wrong things – the very same things we invest in now.
Some people say that the solution to is to simply not put all your hope or trust in one thing, but to spread it out between every corner of your life - a renaissance man approach, if you will. But personally, I think that strategy results in an utterly mediocre enjoyment of life. To implement it you must constantly check yourself to ensure you don’t trust each object or thing or person too much, and that guardedness leaves you cold, empty, and alone. Any joy that comes from your life comes in small measures (the same measure as your trust). Honestly, I don’t think we are wired for that kind of thinking and acting. We as people desire closeness, affection, and love. We want to devote ourselves to something, and it’s okay to do so - we just have to pick the right things.
And so I ask you again: what do you put your hope in? Will it last the test of time? Or will it ultimately leave you worn out, joyless, and empty? Here’s hoping you find a hope that lasts eternally.
Joshua is a senior majoring in Biomedical Engineering
