When I first arrived on campus, I was told that during freshman year I would befriend a large group of people based on extrinsic reasons (we lived in the same building, we had the same classes, etc.), and then towards the end of freshman or sophomore year, we would split up.
Junior year would be a variable year, during which people would either form new groups as a result of sophomore year’s events, or they would come together. Lastly, senior year would be a time to rekindle old friendships, foster new friendships, make personal improvements and resolve any remaining issues. This trend may or may not apply to you.
One thing it has taught me is the value of social support.
The people you choose to invest in the most (your “inner circle,” so to speak) will have a strong impact on you. They will help determine how you cope with certain situations. They will affect how you manage your time. They will affect every aspect of your life. That’s why it’s important to choose your friends wisely.
It can be difficult at times to be “choosy” in college. How many friendships are developed as a result of a genuine, deep bond? How many friendships are developed out of forced circumstances or desperation? No matter what the answer is, make sure you are honest with yourself.
You take on the attributes of your inner circle, so make sure the people in your circle will better you. There are slick people in the world, and time may be the only factor that reveals the slickest of them all. However, there are some signs to help you avoid negativity.
Gossip and drama may be riveting and interesting, but if you see that certain people bring CONSTANT gossip and drama, then you may want to rethink their status in your life. I know the library life can be boring, and a little bit of dramatic spice may help keep you afloat, but if you notice that the drama and gossip are bringing unnecessary stress in your life, then you should cut it out. I say unnecessary stress because there will be times when you or your friends will go through difficult situations, and you will need to be there for each other. It’s up to you to discern if you have a close friend who seems to be always caught up in poor situations.
But what do you do with the friends who are so much fun even though your gut tells you that you shouldn’t keep them close? Follow your intuition: don’t let them get close enough to turn you into an irrational human.
Then there is the Big 3. Ideally, in your inner circle you should have someone who has achieved certain goals you wish to attain, so that she or he can give you an insight into the process. You should also have someone who is at the same level as you, so that you can work together. No one makes it alone. Lastly, have someone who can look up to you — that way you can stay motivated, learn to be a mentor and remember where you came from.
Beware of vampires; friendships can serve as routes of exchange, but be aware when one partner starts to take too much. It’s corny, but it’s true.
At the end of the day, make sure you have no doubts that the people closest to you will be there to help you.
