Hopkins makes it hard to be a stereotypical activist/college student. Who really has time to figure out what to protest, what with class, work and extracurricular activities? Luckily for you, I’m here to get your inner activist motivated with ten things to protest around Homewood campus. Get your picket signs and pamphlets ready:
1. Not being able to eat in the library Getting caught with food in the MSE is a rite of passage for all Hopkins freshmen: it happens once, and you learn your lesson. That lesson, of course, is not that you shouldn’t take food into MSE or Brody — it’s that you shouldn’t get caught. Instead of having security guards pounce on anyone they see with a morsel of an edible substance, Hopkins just needs to have more garbage and recycling receptacles available in the MSE and Brody to prevent infestations. Otherwise, we’re left to either starve while we study. Or become ninjas when we get hungry.
2. The marble all over campus Years ago, some architect designed the Homewood campus to be made almost entirely of marble. At first, it was a great idea — nothing says elegance quite like the interplay of marble and brick throughout the campus. On the other hand, nothing says danger quite like the Breezeway steps on a rainy day. Everyone has been victimized by the marble to some degree, whether it was a little slip that went unnoticed, or a straight up wipeout. The marble has got to go. Besides, I have a hard time believing that someone hasn’t engineered self-drying marble by this point.
3. The non-existent student center The fact that Brody Learning Commons is the closest thing we have to a student center says a lot about what the administration thinks of us. Sure, we know the value of hard work and studying, but to gift us with even more study space is insulting (just kidding, it’s great). There’s not one place on campus where we’re expected to just have fun. And I mean real fun, not the “drawing molecules on whiteboards” kind of fun. It’s time we dispelled the stereotype that Hopkins students don’t know how to enjoy themselves, and bring a student center to Homewood.
4. No restaurant chains on campus Not only does Morgan State University have a student center, but it has an Auntie Anne’s in it. AUNTIE ANNE’S. Enough said. 5. Pike bushes Walking on North Charles past Pike is way too difficult; the ratio of bush to sidewalk is too damn high. You’d think Hopkins would realize the security issue imposed by the shrubbery: anyone can pop out from behind the bushes and demand your cellphone, cash or — even worse — your new Clicker. Those Hollywood-style floodlights lining the street at night may be deterring crime on North Charles, but those bushes are just asking for creepers to hide within them.
6. Char Mar The Char Mar of the past wasn’t the healthiest place: I’m pretty sure it was illegal to have F’reals, Ben & Jerry’s and Krispy Kreme donuts on sale in the same store. So when I found out that modifications were being made to the selections in Char Mar, I completely understood why. Then I went to Char Mar. And almost cried. Clearly, whoever is in charge of the products available at the store was a little offended by our suggestions to have healthier selections, and decided to stock Char Mar with gluten-free everything. I mean, organic ice cream? It’s not that serious.
7. The lack of Southwest Chicken The first week of class of the fall 2013 semester will go down as the saddest in Hopkins history; it was when we all found out that the Southwest Chicken was no more. What was once a heavenly interaction between chicken tenders, bacon and chipotle sauce soon became a fond memory that ran across our minds, causing us to listen to Drake while curled in the fetal position. Getting rid of the Southwest Chicken is the most evil thing Hopkins could have done to us, and we can’t let the administration get away with such an injustice. It’s our favorite sandwich — and we need it now.
8. Paying for laundry Okay, I get it. It takes tons of power and water to handle the loads of laundry that pass through the machines on campus, so laundry costs money. But how many times have you tried to save $2.50 by delving into your laundry basket for that t-shirt you wore last week that isn’t so dirty now that you think about it? Sounds like a public health issue to me. Hopkins may be inspiring us to save water and money by charging us for laundry, but I think we’d appreciate it much more if Hopkins saved our noses from those people who stretched the lifeline of their laundry a bit too thin.
9. Construction Was there ever a time when Hopkins wasn’t under construction? Between the modifications to Mudd Hall, the creation of Brody Learning Commons, and whatever it is that’s happening to North Charles Street, it seems as though this campus is perpetually unfinished. It’s just plain annoying. How many times have you had to completely reroute your path to the other side of North Charles within the past five days? Not to mention the fences and mounds of dirt in the street that make Homewood look like a prison. Hopkins needs to either find a way to make the construction less inconvenient or, I don’t know, stop trying to fix stuff, maybe?
10. Protestors The one upside to all the construction is that there’s no room for huge signs with pictures of aborted fetuses to welcome you to campus first thing in the morning. Once the renovations to the street are complete, however, there’s a chance that the pro-choice protestors will be back, so if there’s anything worth protesting around here, it’s protestors. How, you ask? This is Hopkins. You’ll figure it out.
