Two hours listening to a Russian author making jokes in German about how ugly his nose is. An involuntary nap in a shady Shriver Hall while a dreary old man reads poems that he swears aren’t poems. A meet and greet for a major I would fail at if even attempted. Pretending to be a flute virtuoso at an orchestra informational barbecue. These are just a few of the things I endured during my freshman year in order to obtain one of the greatest of rewards of collegiate life: free food.
Being a freshman in college is a unique and exciting time in a young person’s life — full of wonderment, adventure and catered events. But many Hopkins freshman tragically overlook these extraordinary opportunities for delicious, bountiful and complimentary cuisine. I urge these hungry novices to remember that unless they happen to become a visiting prince or an 80s hair metal rocker in Japan, they will perhaps never again have so many people and so much funding invested in making them happy.
Every department, most of the clubs, and a countless number of community, religious and social groups put on an endless stream of events geared toward freshmen students. Yet no matter how hard they try, each of these events are notoriously devoid of those students. Midway through my freshman year, I made my way to the AMR I Multi-Purpose Room to meet my class cabinet for a heavily advertised town hall style meeting. Each member of the cabinet had peppered their dorm walls and Facebook walls with reminders to increase attendance. There were stacks of free pizza and bottles of soda, as well as the chance to enact meaningful change around the school. Flanked by thirty or so empty chairs, I faced the SGA all by myself. The conversation was awkward — but the pizza was delicious.
Subsequent events treated me to an assortment of hors d’oeuvres, sandwiches, cook-out food and, on one occasion, a selection of wines and craft beers (don’t worry Hop Cops, I didn’t partake, take a deep breath).
And food isn’t the only perk; at a German language reading event, I walked away with not only a full stomach, but a thumb drive, a stylish hat, a t-shirt and extra credit in Intermediate German. I left the sweater, mug warmer, accompanying mug and other tchotchkes on the table.
The truth is that Hopkins is particularly attentive to the uncomfortable adjustment period so many incoming students struggle through, and the administration goes to herculean extremes to ease that transition through fun, free activities. Dedicated faculty and student volunteers take time out of their busy schedules to give freshman every possible opportunity to succeed. Going to these events is a great way to meet new people, make important faculty connections (professors who know you are infinitely more useful than those who don’t), listen to successful people impart all sorts of wisdom, and have some plain old fun.
Too many students miss these chances while occupied in the bowels of the library, only to stumble along St. Paul St. at three in the morning wishing Chipotle was open later. To be sure, both of these activities will eventually become treasured past times of your college life, but there will be time for that later. In the meantime, passing by a room full of food, well-meaning people and opportunities to improve your time at Hopkins is a crying shame.
So next time you’re deciding between another night of losing to your roommate at Super Smash Bros and listening to an interesting person talk about interesting things, choose the one with the catering. Trust me, it will be worth it.
