Drake’s long-awaited third album, Nothing Was the Same, just dropped on Tuesday, so naturally fans are eager to see if the Toronto native has kept up his steam since his sophomore album Take Care.
Remember, however, that Drake has a tendency to elicit extremely emotional responses to his music, so before you give NWTS a listen (because I know you waited to do so legally) take these precautionary steps and you won’t end up doing something you’ll regret:
1. Set aside time. “Nothing Was the Same” clocks in at an hour and change, so be sure to set aside enough time to listen to the album in its entirety. Also be sure to set aside enough time to gather your thoughts afterwards; you’ll probably need a moment to reflect on your life and recuperate from the emotions induced by Drake’s strikingly honest lyrics. This can take anywhere between five minutes and five years in intensive psychotherapy, so be prepared.
2. Isolate yourself.
Don’t interact with anyone while listening to NWTS. Not only will you displace your feelings on them, but you won’t be able to hear every one of Drizzy’s emotion-dripping syllables. This could be detrimental after listening to Big Sean’s guest verse in “All Me,” when you won’t be able to resist telling people to “shut the f**k up!” Then, your friends will hate you and you’ll be alone forever, since Drake’s golden rule is “No new friends.” Save yourself from losing the few normal friends you managed to make at Hopkins and listen to NWTS solo dolo.
3. Delete your exes’ phone numbers. All of them. Drake is notorious for rapping and/or singing about his romantic regrets, so when listening to his music it’s pretty easy to think you’ve made a couple grave mistakes in your love life. What if you gave up on someone who would have turned out to be The One? What if your ex is stuck in emotional turmoil because of your breakup? Trust me, he/she isn’t. Before you embarrass yourself trying to get back with your fifth grade flame, delete your exes’ phone numbers. Thank me later.
4. Hide your credit and debit cards. One listen to “Started From the Bottom” and you’ll blow all your savings as if you and your homies made it. As long as you’re a Hopkins undergraduate, you’re still at the bottom — and your team is right down there with you on D Level. Of course, if you stay focused you’re sure to get to a point where you can “wear every single chain, even when you’re in the house.” Until then, try to remain as fiscally responsible as possible.
5. Take a hiatus from social media. You know a Drake album just dropped when your news feed is filled with super sappy statuses, and NWTS is sure to inspire some. I mean, “The furthest thing from perfect like everyone I know”? “Girl, you don’t love me, you just say this s**t to get to me”? “Next time we talk, I don’t want to just talk, I want to trust”? Lines like these are begging to be quoted via social media — but don’t let yourself give in to the temptation. If you can’t think before you tweet, don’t log on to any social media until you’ve given NWTS a couple listens.
6. Avoid alcohol. Whether it’s Hennessey or hand sanitizer, stay far away from alcohol when listening to NWTS. Everyone knows Drake’s work can spur some crazy thoughts when mixed with liquor: remember the mayhem caused by “Marvin’s Room,” from Drake’s sophomore album Thank Me Later? For months, people were drunk-texting exes and telling them to do better, while others reminisced about relationships they never even had. Save yourself from a bad look and stay sober until NWTS falls off the radar...so basically sometime around 2015.
7. Hide your junk food. Be sure to take this step not only because Nothing Was the Same is going to make you eat your feelings, but because of the subliminal messaging in “Pound Cake.” I know the song is actually about making insane amounts of money, but Jay Z says “cake” enough times in his guest verse to put you at risk for diabetes by the end of the song. With obesity continuing to plague people across America, you can’t afford to become a statistic by binging on crappy food while listening.
8. Don’t Drake and drive. The most dangerous place you could possibly listen to this album is in the car. Drake’s lines are sure to have your mind wandering to deep, dark places and distracting you from the road. Before you know it, you could end up running a red light, or hitting a pedestrian or parking across the street from your ex’s house. NWTS is great, but not worth a moving violation. Or a restraining order.
9. Prepare a dance floor. NWTS isn’t entirely sappy and emotional; songs like “Worst Behaviour” and “Language” bring bass and bravado, while “Hold On, We’re Going Home” has a classic R&B vibe that just makes you smile. When these songs come on, make sure you have some space to dance away the pain of the eight or so sentimental tracks on the album. Don’t get too comfortable, though; before you know it, Drizzy will be back to his emotional ways, and you’ll be back in the fetal position in the corner of your bedroom.
10. Remember: you don’t have to do this. If Drake’s music (and the memes that result from it) has taught us anything, it’s that Drake just wants you to be happy. If you’re not confident enough in your emotional strength to experience the subconcious feelings that will be uncovered by NWTS, by all means, don’t listen to the album. Sure, your friends may pressure you into doing it, but have strength. And there’s no need to feel guilty — Drake will surely forgive your decision.
