Hopkins is stressful. We all know that. We have expectations to meet, whether they're our own or our family's; there's homework and social life; tuition and food; and the constant looming idea, is all this money really worth it? The stress piles up while we break down.
Then there are those of us who came into Hopkins with problems already. Not only do we have to deal with our issues, but we also have to listen to people who think that they understand our issues and can help. I trust that attention deficit disorders are common enough that I can skip an explanation.
Mood disorders are my next checkpoint. I have various friends with various flavors of depression and bipolar disorder. When they have depressed days, it's not just because they did poorly on an exam — although it can trigger that. There can be weeks where it's hard to contact them because they hole themselves up in their rooms. If they hit a manic episode, you couldn't catch them with a spider-thread net. This isn't just something that will not just affect your week, but can also taint the months ahead.
I save this for last, not because I think it's more important or more legitimate, but because it's the one I have the most experience with and can, therefore, rant about more. I have the lovely title of GAD. (Well, technically, it's PTSD, but insurance companies won't always provide financial support for PTSD, so GAD is the umbrella.)
GAD is more than just stress about a huge assignment coming up. When I walk past alleys, I ball my hands into fists with either keys poised between my fingers like Wolverine or the knuckle on my middle finger jutting out slightly. I get nauseous when I have to walk by myself, even if it's just from Bloomberg to Shriver. If I accidentally catch my toe on a sidewalk crack, my brain jumps to the homework assignment I turned in a week ago that I knew I could have put more effort into. My day is full of trying to keep myself calm in order to focus during lectures. It's when I get triggered that the fun really starts.
The other day in class, I was supposed to make a presentation. As soon as I opened my mouth, the stuttering started. It had been a rough week. A man from the church I was raised in died suddenly. I went to my parents' house for a while to find that the bedroom I had slept in my whole life didn't feel like home anymore. Most impactful, the memories of when I was younger came back full-throttle as nightmares.
I'm usually decent at bottling it up, but making a presentation about children's organizations sent me over the edge. Halfway through my broken first sentence, I hastily excused myself. I sped into the bathroom and sat down on the floor, my head cradled in my hands, as I waited for my mind to settle. My teacher then understood that I wasn't playing hooky last semester when I, "severely needed a mental health day."
It's kind of funny. A lot of people — family, friends, psychologists — have commented that I carry myself with a confidence in which they would have never known that I have an issue unless I explained it. This is when I came to a rather startling realization that a person walking calmly down the hallway might be struggling with way more than I could ever imagine.
I guess that I ranted about this because I want you all to be more thoughtful about your complaints. You may not want to joke about being an alcoholic because someone around you might have a parent who is. I'm not saying to not express things lightly. Goodness, the only thing worse than being obnoxious is treating uncomfortable reality as taboo. I'm just trying to suggest that you consider other people around you as having problems that you can't imagine. And for those of you (well, us) out there with pre-existing issues, it is possible to not get blockaded by the head crazies, a term a friend of mine likes to use. He also has PTSD, so we call each other trauma buddies; we even set up a buddy system, but more on that another week.
Moral of the rant, some students had issues before Hopkins and others on campus should learn how to better respond and better respect those around them.
