How can you tell I'm a Hopkins transplant at Oxford?
Because on Valentine's Day I was locked in my room with Alexander Pope reading about a guy who cuts a lock of a girl's hair. And the closest I got to any action was walking to the bathroom at 2 a.m. only to hear Room 22 going at it with some lucky lady. At least someone was enjoying themselves.
And not to knock Alexander — he was a fine date — and the poem I had to read was actually really good. I may even go so far as to like Alexander Pope on Facebook. Post-Restoration Lit nerd? Guilty. But in all seriousness, pulling an all-nighter to finish an essay about vanity in The Rape of the Lock isn't exactly an ideal situation on Valentine's Day.
Despite it not being ideal, this is the first Valentine's Day that I actually got stuff from people who aren't my mom and dad.
After coming back from the English Faculty Library (which is in Siberia), I was greeted with a single rose placed in front of my door. After the heart palpitating moment of "what the hell," I started laughing. Mainly because I didn't know who it was from. But, my skills of deduction to rival those of Sherlock Holmes helped me figure it out. At least, as of today, I'm 95 percent sure it was from one of my friends reading English. Still awaiting confirmation on that one.
And then one of my neighbors gave me a chocolate rose because he bought too many. But hey, I'll take it. I mean, it's chocolate. But the pièce de la resistance was a card I got from my sister. It has a Panda on it. And sparkles. She told me to "nab yourself an Eton-born, Cambridge-bred boy." She's always one for irony.
My Valentine's Day might have been mediocre, but that's not Oxford's fault. (It's my own for not writing the essay over the weekend.) The intellectual powerhouse actually pulls major muscle groups to make things fun. Case in point, there's these things called BOPs. Since the UK doesn't believe in Greek Life (and thus Frat Parties), BOPs are a Uni student's excuse for "fancy dress" and a night of drunken debauchery. Those Meme-things that are popular on Facebook, there's one for Oxford that reads "Not Sure if Drunk Tramp or Student Going to BOP." That's essentially the goal of a BOP.
My college took it upon itself to plan a Valentine's Day BOP themed, I kid you not, "Famous Couples Through the Ages." As soon as I read that email, I was hit with flashbacks of being a tween and watching that Drew Barrymore movie, Never Been Kissed.
Now, the BOP isn't exactly my scene, but I have this intense pang of regret that I didn't go — I really wanted to count the number of people dressed up as Wills and Kate. My money is on there being at least five couples with that level of originality.
Valentine's Day may nominally be over, and I may have missed my chance to go Wills and Kate counting, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. My sister has assured me that a Costco-sized package of personalized Valentine's Day M&M candies is on its way to me.
Too bad she didn't want to shell out the $50 and send it priority so I could have had it on the real Valentine's Day. To remedy this, I'm going to pretend that day it arrives is Feb. 14.
