With age does not necessarily come wisdom. Not many people will tell you that in your life. And even less people will tell you that at Hopkins. But I am not one of those people. Over the past four years, I have amassed several questions and observances about our great university that are still a mystery to me.
1. Classroom assignment.
There are a lot of buildings on this campus, and yet, somehow, every semester I hear about people having class in random buildings like Wyman Park, McCoy or some room in the basement of the Rec Center. Never have I ever not been able to find an empty room to study in, take a nap or what have you. That sentence may have a double negative and sketchy syntax, but it's still the truth.
So, if this is the case, why do we sometimes have class in dorm buildings? We already need motivation wearing something other than sweatpants and having a class in the same building that we live in does not help matters.
2. The word registrar.
3. The arbitrary amount of time that you can rent a locker for.
Three days. What's the deal with that? So maybe the thought behind that is allowing kids to use a locker for a period similar to a long weekend. But, let's be real. We're in the library 24/7, and, if we're not, then we tend to concentrate our time during weekdays. The week is five days. Wouldn't that be a more reasonable amount of time?
Look, I understand that the worry could be about people who keep keys past the due date. I am guilty of this. I actually got a reminder e-mail today (yes, I did rent a locker during Intersession). But us violators of library policy are going to do it regardless of a three or five day loan period. So why not just extend it and make a lot of people a lot happier?
4. Do Hopkins students really have less sex?
All the time, people say (half in jest, half in serious) that Hopkins kids are having less sex than everyone else. I don't know if that's true since I still manage to hear a fair share of smutty stories come Monday. But with an undergrad population full of eager researchers and people who are probably "good with numbers," I feel strongly that there should be some sort of research conducted to find out.
And while you're at it (you being whomever science-inclined person decides to capitalize on my idea), take a look at Loyola and Towson too. There are things I need to know.
5. Who is the one person I saw with a rolling backpack?
There's a special time in every young person's life where having a wheely backpack is cool. So cool, in fact, that little blonde girls in braces and glasses will carry luggage-type bags more akin to suitcases to school in order to be apart of this rolling population. Yes, I was that little girl, but I am sure that I'm not alone in saying that backpacks with wheels were cool.
In October, I saw a young man with a rolling backpack at college. I would like to know who he is.
6. Who is the Asian man who looks like Johnny Depp?
In the same vein of watching people on campus and never learning who they are (hey, I really am a Hopkins student), there is an Asian man who looks like Johnny Depp circa Jack Sparrow. If you have seen this guy on campus, then you know that my description is 100 percent accurate. I have seen him in and around the library, generally wearing a bucket hat.
Asian Johnny Depp, if you are reading this, I respect you. And I would like to buy you a drink some time.
7. Is there a rule about watching porn in the library?
If you have studied in the library and somehow not seen anyone watching porn, then count yourself part of the fortunate few. I have heard of people being escorted out by library personnel, but I have also seen some hardcore pornography viewing going down and absolutely no repercussions. Follow up question: Why would you want to watch porn in the library?
8. Let's talk about the Sterling Brunch.
Why is it even called Sterling? If it's the best brunch of the year, shouldn't it be called the Gold Brunch? And furthermore, what's the deal with the excessive amount of peel and eat shrimp at each brunch. Seriously. Every single one I've been to since freshman year.
9. Graduate schools at Hopkins
Hopkins isn't too shabby in terms of national (and international) rankings. We've got a ton of programs at grad and undergrad levels that people think are pretty damn good. But what's the deal with the fact that we have random graduate schools in areas that we don't offer? Business and education are the examples I'm thinking of.
10. Why are the only condoms at Hel-Well flavored?
While I have personally encountered a plethora of banana (Ha. Ha.) and strawberry flavored condoms, others have experienced an abundance of the vanilla flavor. Though each condom has its own special color and unique taste, they all have one thing in common: the fact that they are flavored. Umm, I don't know about you guys, but I also like to use condoms when I actually have The Sex. You know, intercourse. Not just oral sex.
I need to admit right here that I'm not pre-med. I have no idea if you can use flavored condoms for non-oral sexy time. It just doesn't sound like a good idea.
I did google this dilemna, however, and it seems I'm not alone. Yahoo Ask you've saved me once again.
Regardless, the fact still exists that I have never seen so many flavored condoms in my life until I came to Hopkins.
