Baltimoreans-in-training, you still have much to learn.
Unfortunately, this is the last you’ll read of my version of Being Baltimorean.
Yes, this is my last column. I don’t know about you, but I’ve had fun. And thank you, dear reader, for being loyal and awesome!
So, to kick off my farewell column tour, I’ve decided to describe my perfect Baltimorean day.
This will take some planning, but I’m sure if y’all wanted to emulate yours truly, you too can achieve Baltimorean nirvana.
We’ll actually start out in the morning. I know that for some of you, “morning” is an alien concept. However, Baltimore deserves an entire day from you, so you should pay it that respect. To start out, go get bagels from Greg’s Bagels up in Belvedere Square on York and Northern Parkway.
I recommend the chocolate chip and sesame seed bagels. They are uniquely delicious.
If you can’t make it up to Greg’s, any bagels will do. However, know that you’re doing yourself a disservice.
Then take these bagels to Patterson Park.
Now, if you’ve been reading my column, you’d know that Patterson Park is wonderful, but Droodle Park (Druid Hill, if you don’t know Bawlmerese) is slightly better.
Why Patterson over Droodle? One word: DiPasquale’s.
Go enjoy beautiful weather and breakfast in the park, and then pick up sandwiches from DiPasquale’s.
Of course, you shouldn’t be hungry for a while, so you should bring a cooler and then work up an appetite.
“How?” you may ask.
Well, you walk, of course.
After picking up your delicious subs, walk east towards the Inner Harbor and then walk north.
If you want, you can check out the Inner Harbor, but I find it ho-hum. Instead, I suggest you check out the following three buildings.
First, marvel at the Bank of America building. Aside from the fact that it shares its name with an evil banking company, it is one of the most beautiful buildings in Baltimore.
Second, walk just a little north on Charles Street to marvel at the Belvedere Hotel. Although it hasn’t actually been run as a hotel since 1992, the Belvedere Hotel currently operates as an apartment condominium. If you’re parched, stop by the top floor cocktail lounge and the famous Owl Bar.
Finally, walk to Penn Station and bask in the beauty of the Beaux-Arts style. Ignore that ugly Male/Female statue in front. It’s generated controversy ever since it was placed there anyway.
Some people appreciate the contemporary imagery while others think it detracts from the Beaux-Arts style architecture and takes away from the overall classical style. Alright, building viewing is over.
You may need to wait around a little bit, but take the JHMI shuttle back to campus. Then . . . you guessed it: you’re going to walk some more.
Walk to the Sherwood Gardens in Guilford, right off Saint Paul Street on Greenway and Stratford Road. It’s got flowers and is idyllic, so you’ll love your DiPasquale’s all the more in such a place.
At this point, you have eaten, walked, walked some more, eaten, and now you’re finally going to walk back to campus.
You have two options: you can either rest up or you can go to a movie and rest there. Take a cab and go to the Senator Theater for a cool room and an awesome movie experience.
Time to eat: Mr. Bill’s Terrace Inn is a treat for crabs. It’s in Essex, so you’ll have to use some of that Hopkins ingenuity to get out there.
When you do, though, you’ll be oh so rewarded. After such a long day, I have to say, I’d personally be pooped. I would not have the energy to do one more thing.
Unless, of course, booze was involved. For you 21-and-older folks, this is really your choice. Fed Hill is probably your best bet.
With that, you will end my perfect day in Baltimore in the perfect way: tired and drunk.
