Get excited, boys and girls. Your favorite dancing show with a penchant for drama is back for its spring season.
Dancing with the Stars debuted its 12th season last week, luring 22.6 million viewers to the ABC television network with its glitz, glamour and good-natured fun.
And honestly, what’s not to love about Dancing? Watching current reality stars whose shows are on hiatus, my-goodness-I-didn’t-know-he-was-still-alive actors, and other B-list celebrities battle it out on the dance floor while wearing impossibly high heels and/or shirts unbuttoned to the navel — this is what quality television is made of, people!
This season stretches the general public’s definition for “star” to the extreme:
The Disney Princess — Chelsea Kane is famous for being on Jonas. When did the Jonas brothers get a TV show? But whatever her claim to fame may be, Kane is bubbly and adorable, with a smile
reminiscent of former DWTS sweetheart Julianne Hough, and had her partner Mark Ballas hitting on her within the first 30 seconds of their video package.
The Boisterous Talk Show Host — Wendy Williams is voluptuous and loud; there are few other adjectives that come to mind when she is on screen. Most of America will be deaf by week three.
Ever the drama queen, she was crying fifteen seconds into her footage over absolutely nothing, and then used her hair to sop up the tears. “I need to get over my fears and trust Tony that I can do the cha-cha,” she later said.
The Athlete You Used to Respect — Hines Ward is adorable. From the second he showed up on screen dancing this awkward, awful dance with a huge goofy smile on his face, he was loved.
But Ward is no stranger to winning despite the outcome of this year’s Superbowl — so don’t count him out just because he didn’t know how to dance prior to the show.
His hips are just one shake short of Shakira’s.
The Bombshell Supermodel — Petra Nemcova almost pulled out of Dancing last week due to the recent earthquake and tsunami in Japan. She famously survived the tsunami back in 2004, coming out of it with a broken pelvis, and she said she didn’t feel right focusing on dancing when there was so much other suffering going on in the world. In the end, she dedicated her dance to everyone out there affected by the recent disasters in Japan — a touching cap to her moving backstory.
The One-Hit-Wonder Music Artist — Romeo (previously Lil’ Romeo) has been paired with the ever sassy Chelsea Hightower and seemed more concerned with flirting with her and showing off his testosterone than with dancing. He was, however, pretty decent at dancing, despite his need to assert his manly wonders.
The Athlete You Actually Respect — Sugar Ray Leonard, or “Suga,” as Bruno calls him, is legendary in the world of boxing and comes off on Dancing as polite, a little stiff, but with a lot of heart. You desperately want to give him a hug.
Naturally, Suga is having trouble with his posture. Ballroom dancing calls for straight backs and squared shoulders, which is difficult when you’ve been hunched over to protect your face for most of your life, but its clear he’s a genuinely nice guy who wants to win.
The Reality Star You Wished was Wearing More Clothes — Kendra Wilkinson will always be trashy. There was a lot of booty-shaking in her video package, along with multiple references to her seedy past and a shot of Hugh Hefner sitting in the audience, and for all her talk about how her “classy dancing” will be “hot,” it was nothing but bland and forgettable.
The Movie Star You Forgot You Loved — Ralph Macchio, formerly known as the Karate Kid, definitely came off early in his video package as a bumbling dork — think Bob Saget’s character in Full House. Then he stepped on the dance floor. The man is a fox, and is currently in the well-deserved lead.
The Macho Man — Real athletes have always proven to be a surprising threat on DWTS, so of course, Chris Jericho is completely harmless.
The — Wait, Who Are You? — Mike Catherwood, or “Psycho Mike” as he is known on his radio show, couldn’t stop talking bro-speak long enough to learn how to dance, and he was the first star eliminated.
The B-List Actress — Kirstie Alley is probably this season’s most recognizable name. She’s sixty years old now, and it shows in how winded she is after every dance. But she’s also bright and spunky and you can’t help but root for her.
It will be interesting to see how she progresses this season, especially when paired with exceedingly relaxed (at least for now) Maksim Chmerkovsky.
The seams on her costumes have already required taking in.
There is much to love about ABC’s most popular show that has nothing to do with minor stars battling it out each season. Dancing has established many of its own beloved characters and it was exciting seeing the familiar faces again.
Tom Bergeron was endearing, telling puns like your dad to the waiter as you pretend not to know who he is.
Carrie Ann Inaba immediately fell in love with half the cast but still gushed over the other half.
Bruno Tonioli said a million things not fit for children’s ears, nearly hit Len in the face, related everything to sex and got more excited than Tom Cruise on a couch.
And head judge Len Goodman would rather be drinking tea than watching your sorry self try to dance.
Everyone is back, they’re all hilarious and adorable, and they are the real reason fans of the show keep tuning in season after season.
Note: Chris Brown performed on the results show on Tuesday. No windows have been found broken in the studio.
Dancing with the Stars airs Mondays at 8 p.m. and Tuesdays at 9 p.m. on ABC.
