he subject of this week’s dilemma is one over which I have often mulled, stewed, and occasionally rolled. This subject is, of course, the elusive distinction between rudeness and awkwardness.
The relationship between these terms is quite similar to the relationship between the states of Wyo. and Conn. thanks to the Driver’s License Agreement of 2001, which states that Conn. will help persecute speeding tickets obtained by Conn. drivers in Wyo.
You’ll be fascinated to learn, incidentally, that Wyo. does not return the favor. What I mean by this is that often times, people say the phrase “That was so awkward!” when what they meant to say was “That was so rude.” They rarely do the reverse.
There are, of course, particular instances of this phenomenon that I find especially irksome, and I feel it is my duty to put these thoughts into writing both for the sense of solidarity it will bring to the few, and the educational value it will have for the many. I have thus arranged several case studies to exemplify the phenomenon, outlining whether it was rude or awkward in the hope of affording more clarity for future situations.
Case Study #1: Persons A and B are engaged in a conversation in which person A expresses pride over the achievement of one of his siblings. Let’s say the sibling builds rockets. Upon hearing this, person B expresses fervently that he/she absolutely hates rockets and that rockets are tacky.
Prognosis: RUDE. Out of curiosity, when did it fall out of fashion for people’s parents to teach them that silence is preferable to rudeness? Yes, it’s important to be true to yourself, and yes, your friends will value your opinions, but when your opinion vastly differs from someone else’s with regards to something personal, such as a project of theirs or something to do with anyone in their family, that is not a good time to share! Why people would ever think it is an acceptable time to share boggles my mind, but they still persist.
Case Study #2: Person A is in a conversation with person B and person B ends the conversation. Person A does not realize that person B has ended the conversation and so continues to talk to the point where person B has to physically leave the situation.
Prognosis: AWKWARD. People would do well to note this is an awkward situation, a situation in which a miscommunication occurred and awkwardness ensued. There is nothing rude or mean on either side, but simply a situation which has become awkward due to the variables involved.
Case Study #3: Persons A and B are having a conversation about person C and they realize that person C has been standing there for part, if not all, of the conversation.
Prognosis: RUDE. This is rudeness on two counts because frankly, persons A and B, it’s rude to talk about people behind their backs. But person C! I expected more. Eavesdropping is equally creepy and lame and honestly, you kind of got what was coming to you.
I think there are several conclusions to be drawn from this highly objective and methodically sound data.
The first is that for something to be awkward, it cannot in and of itself be mean. A feeling of awkwardness can certainly arise from mean actions and/or comments being made in the wrong context, but the word for that is not “awkward.” It’s “rude.”
“Awkward” has been getting a bad rap for too long; “awkward” is stupid and innocent. “Awkward” is Golem. “Rude” is the Precious.” “Awkward” merely gravitates to “rude.”
It’s time that people appreciate the difference and try to exercise some discretion when identifying their rude behavior as “awkward” or better yet, make a concerted effort not to be rude. To lead by example, I will not end by making a pithy remark about the state of affairs between Conn. and Wyo., but by quoting the noted Sesame Street, “C is for Cookie,” but also “cooperation,” and if we could all just focus a little more on those two things, life would be a whole lot sweeter.
