I’m always amazed to find how some tasks really put me in touch with my maturity (or lack there of). I go around thinking I’m independent, that I can do anything, that the sky is my limit . . . until I’m faced with a dirty toilet. There’s nothing like a 10-inch porcelain bowl to knock you right out of your “I am woman, hear me roar” frame of mind back to “Mom, can’t you do this for me?
As I scrubbed my toilet today, I thought about the other situations that have caused me to want my mommy to do things for me again, a desire I’ve mostly suppressed since the age of six. As I mused over the subject, one topic came up again and again in different forms, evolving like the Pokemon from hell that has sporadically refused to be caught throughout my Hopkins career — the Hopkins Bureaucracy.
The Hopkins Bureaucracy — or Bureaucrazy, as my editor aptly put it — is the bane of my life here and frankly makes me want my mommy. Behind every major change, credit transfer or exception made at this school is a line of signatures half a mile long, lined with the tears of students who are “just trying to graduate.” If you learn nothing else at this school, you learn your way around academic advising, the registrar and the study abroad office. Of course, it takes some of us longer to learn how to navigate the murky waters than others. I am one such example. Rather than regale you with tales of my heroic (or, in the words of Barney Stison, Legen-dary) trials and tribulations with the aforementioned bureaucratic institutions, I will instead impart the knowledge I have gleaned at the cost of much of my sanity
First rule: Pick an advisor you can work with. Changing advisors at this school is pretty much the only easy task you will encounter. All you need is a signature of approval from your new chosen advisor and one from your department — you don’t even need to tell the advisor you’re ditching. What’s hard is having an advisor who a) doesn’t know who you are b) is impossible to track down or c) refuses to sign anything.
Some people come to this school and immediately hit it off with a teacher — in that case, it’s evident who their advisor should be. The mistake people make is waiting for that perfect relationship while being complacent about the advisor they currently have, feeling that “what does it matter?” It matters.
It matters when you decide to go abroad and you realize the person doesn’t agree with your chosen program, or when you need a recommendation and the person has never had you in their class. Choose someone who you have a) had as a teacher b) who you know you can hunt down and c) who you know will eventually come through for you — by this I mean will be willing to sign off on your study abroad credits, help you get those last minute classes you need to graduate, and be accepting of the fact that you waved the language requirement. Don’t wait for that perfect chemistry — cultivate it with someone.
Second rule: start thinking about Junior Clearance ASAP. Here are some knowledge bombs for you unwitting froshies, sophomores and probably some juniors. Junior spring brings with it a bureaucratic mess called Junior Clearance, which requires you to have all your majors and minors declared, and basically get signatures from everyone you’ve ever met at this school (presumably in order to graduate, though I think some people just find it funny to watch us s--t ourselves). My advice? Get started soon. Know what classes you need to take early and taken them. Declare your majors/minors as soon as you know what they are. This will greatly improve your stress levels Junior spring when you’re panicking because everyone else you know has an internship already, and you have eight tests, AND on top of the rest of that you have to run around searching for that effing advisor you have never met (see rule one).
Third Rule: Show up to people’s classes. This is a short rule but it is perhaps the most important. When getting people’s approval (signed or otherwise), the higher you get in the department, the more distinguished the faculty, and the less likely people are going to be to respond to you promptly if at all. Most teachers are, however, more than willing to give you 30 seconds before their class to sign something, or set up an actual meeting time. ISIS has every single teacher’s schedule. Use this to your advantage.
I could go on about this for pages and pages, but I think this is what you need to know to get started. Dealing with the craziness of distribution requirements, etc., doesn’t have to be difficult: A little planning goes a long way. If you are someone who likes to procrastinate about stuff like this, take a hint from someone who knows. Make yourself do some of this now, and you won’t have to call your mommy later.
