Dear Leah: You are oblivious.
Even coming from my recent ex-boyfriend — the last person I would expect to be impressed by my powers of observation — these five angry little words, standing alone, bewildered me.
When did he decide to message this to me? At 2:03 a.m. the night before, to be exact. But why? I had no idea.
Eagerly I searched for the piece of the puzzle that would reveal my indiscretion to me. But after several text messages, two private messages and a fruitless IM session with some mutual friends, I was still just as oblivious as when I began.
That’s when I finally picked up the phone and dialed his number.
Apparently I will go to great lengths to avoid unpleasant, direct encounters with another human being. Conveniently, this is where our generation’s cool new electronic devices come into play.
Why shout someone down when you can instantly message arguments from the comfort of your own sofa?
If you are as non-confrontational as I am, then texting, social networking sites and instant messaging must seem like godsends.
For our generation, building (and tearing down) relationships upon these various forms of electronic messaging began early. The very first boy who asked me out in middle school did so via AIM.
Facebook announced a high school couple’s recent split to half of the school’s network before anybody even noticed they weren’t sitting together in English class.
During sophomore year of college, my mom just shook her head when I told her that a guy had texted me to ask me to a formal dance.
In 2010, we’re wired (no pun intended) to message that cute guy or girl before doing anything else.
But the sad truth is that too much messaging wreaks havoc on a relationship.
We’ve sat by as girlfriends ask how they should interpret a PM.
We’ve seen friends of both sexes reread texts 10 times over, as if repetition will allow them to glean a deeper meaning from the five or six words and abbreviations that spring onto an illuminated screen.
Online, we throw around phrases like “Facebook stalking” when we check out someone’s relationship status, photos, updates, etc.
We learn all about someone’s taste in music, books, sports and hobbies without ever talking to them about it.
Direct contact is irreplaceable. Unless you’re a haiku master or your number of words per minute is off the charts, typing out a spectrum of emotions is considerably harder than conveying it to someone in person.
Frankly, you lack the tone of voice and body language cues to do so.
Direct contact is more intimate, and there’s also no 250 character limit.
Attempting sarcasm via messaging borders on suicidal — one misinterpreted message and your relationship takes a nose-dive off of a cliff.
Bottom line: In a relationship (or a potential one) we’ve got to stop relying on our cell phones and laptops. Talk to your guy/girl directly! Don’t obsess over old Facebook photos of them hugging or kissing someone else.
Don’t text them all day when you’ll be spending time together later on.
Respect them enough to give them privacy. Don’t tweet or update your profile the instant your feelings or love life changes. Keep it between the two of you.
For me, in the end my ex’s main source of ire was the fact that I didn’t pick up on the signals his friend was sending me, namely, the “I want to get with you” signal at a party a few days before.
In my defense, I thought that the “I want to get with you” signal was hard to read.
But at least it wasn’t sent to me in a text message.
