Let's talk about sex.
No, I have not gone completely daft and forgotten that this is a sex column, hence we certainly should and will be talking about sex, but I mean outside of this page. In person. Out in the world. Because, in all honesty, the fact that we even have this column confirms that we don't do enough talking.
While, certainly, people in general have become more comfortable about discussing matters of the flesh since, say, the 16th century, it is a little unbelievable that an act that is as natural to us as human beings as eating or breathing should remain so taboo, especially in American society.
Yes, sexuality permeates our modern culture. It's shoved in our faces in advertisements, in movies, in music and in social situations. Its approach is hardly subtle; the St. Pauli Girl leaves little to the imagination and American Pie taught us more than we needed to know about all of the major sex acts.
We all know it's there. But we're still not comfortable talking about it, and this is why the subject is still so taboo.Religion had a lot to do with the censorship of this topic in the past, as it did with many other subversive aspects throughout human history.
Sex was, and still is to many, a sacred act between a man and a woman who have committed to being only with each other.
But what is it now? Is it still only that, copulation between a man and woman in love? Or does it now include oral, masturbation, foreplay? Where is the line drawn between appropriate and salacious? When are we saying too much?
The Huffington Post recently published an article on this very subject: most of us really don't have a clear definition of what constitutes sex and thus we don't know how to approach it.
But why should those of us who are comfortable enough to do so be forced to keep silent and remain "appropriate?"
Additionally, although I am trying to keep the male-female inequality debate out of this, it's clear that it's at least a little more tolerable for guys to discuss their sexual conquests and adventures than for girls.
I've addressed this issue before, with regards to female masturbation, but this double standard affects every aspect of sex and sexuality, down to making it socially acceptable for a guy to have a dirty mind. Girls, however, cannot.
The bottom line is, we are, each and every one of us, a sexual being, and we should not have to apologize for it.
I should not, and certainly do not, consider my position as a sex columnist to be vulgar or degrading, but it's incredible how many individuals believe I should do so.
Every one of us is a product of a sexual act, so, pardon me if I don't see how some people get off on judging others based on their opinions here.
This should not be taken as a condemnation of the prudes in this world or as me calling everyone too judgmental.
I just find it unfortunate that our society still finds sex so tasteless that one must be 17 in order to see a woman's breasts in a movie, when a movie filled with violence can be rated PG-13, or even PG, if it's cartoons that are doing the killing.
Where's the logic in this? Violence equals harm toward others. Sex, at least the consensual kind, equals one extremely happy couple. I can't help but see something wrong with this picture.
Whether we talk about it or not, we're going to keep having sex. But if we don't talk about it, we can't feel completely at ease with our decision to do so. It's not just a moral dilemma, it's a health one as well.
There's a reason abstinence-only sex education is ineffective: if you're not aware of the consequences of sex, you might find yourself facing some life-altering decisions and irreversible situations. Not being properly educated about sex is being irresponsible to yourself, and the only way to become educated is to talk about it with others.
There is only good to be gained from becoming more vocal about our sexual needs. We're not losing our innocence (did we ever have that to begin with?). We're becoming more honest with ourselves and smarter about our choices.
We all know that sex is one of the best things about being human. Let's stop being ashamed of it.
