Stop me if you've seen this scene before: A man and a woman are madly in love, and he finally decides to pop the question. After watching him stumble about like a madman figuring out how to do it, we cut away to the heroine entering the bedroom. The lights are low, Peter Gabriel is crooning softly and roses and candles are everywhere. She gasps, then turns quickly to see her lover holding a velvet box. Duh, she's going to say yes.
While this is a grossly stereotypical depiction of what will get your woman to say, "I do," it does drive home a particularly important factor of sensational, spine-tingling sex: Ambience, along with timing, is everything.
It doesn't matter how big you claim you are or what mind blowing tricks you can do with your tongue. If you choose the wrong time to show off these skills, you may just end your night icing those blue balls or re-watching "Mean Girls."
Movies have provided us with a plethora of ideas for how to "get in the mood." From Bumblebee blasting "Let's Get It On" in "Transformers," to the unapologetically epic kiss in the rain from "The Notebook," our generation, as the mass consumers of this type of media, have been spoon-fed the most efficient ways to get naked since before we even knew how to do the horizontal tango.
Because of this, many of us have unrealistic expectations of sex and are vastly disappointed when our expectations are not met. Of course, everybody has personal preferences, and one girl's turn-off is another girl's fetish. Some couples delight in engaging in sexual acts in public, others would rather die than do so. Ambiance certainly depends on your relationship and general taste, but one could argue that there are certain surefire ways to make or break sexy-time.
This is something that guys need to come to terms with: There are moments when it simply isn't the right time. And no, I'm not talking about our inconvenient monthly visits, but about those times when us girls just want to curl up and sleep, especially after already having long, wonderfully raunchy sex, but you're somehow still ready for round five. There's nothing less appealing than a hand sliding up your leg when you're having a wonderful dream about finally getting a good night's sleep.
Nor, I should think, is it a great idea to pay your man a surprise visit the night he finds out his family dog died.
I can't speak for boys here, but on the female side, it's actually funny how quickly we can be turned off by the smallest incident. Having your man rip off his clothes, only to find he is wearing your underwear, for example, might do this. (Unless, of course, this is a massive turn-on for you, then by all means take it away.) I was seeing a guy for a while who was obsessed with zombie movies. Guess what our baby making music was? The agonizing screams of frantic men and women and the slow rip of their living flesh being torn from their bodies. Hot.
Specific inclinations aside, music is arguably the most effectual ambience-creator. From old favorites such as Marvin Gaye and Peter Frampton to the inexplicable use of French accordions in every romantic dinner scene, there's a definite playlist for getting laid. Come on, would frats really have the success rate they have if it was just a bunch of drunk kids playing beer pong? It's the dark, cave-like basement and pounding bass lines that respond to some pre-wired rhythm deep down in our loins and makes our libido scream for attention.
Once bumping and grinding to Three 6 Mafia gets you two to the bedroom, there's a myriad of genres to choose from for doing the actual deed. From R&B for slow, languid love-making to hard rock for balls-to-the-wall intensity or techno for frenetic, Energizer Bunny-esque sex, love and sex have permeated the lyrics and melodies of practically every song invented since cavemen pounded on gourds covered in animal skins. Basically, regardless of whatever faux-pas committed before in terms of ambience, you can usually rectify the situation by choosing the right song. That said, Ricky Martin is generally a deal-breaker in any scenario, or at least he should be.
Sex should never just be about the physical in-out, in-out process. The entire experience should be a treat for all of your senses, not just the ones below the belt. We may need to first and foremost satisfy our biological needs, but the fond memories associated are what keep us coming back again and again, and ambiance is the key ingredient. Serve it up every time.
