Sex is the blend of the emotional and the physical. You can add in the intellectual, say, by reading this column, and the spiritual by, say, tantra, and you got a well-rounded sex self. I should come clean by saying that I take the connections among these things to a greater degree than most, even others in sexual literature, but I dirty myself again by assuring you that everything listed below is agreed upon (and proven) by even light dabblers.
Many people point to physical evidence to bolster a claim, especially when it comes down to sexual norms. This support is natural and it makes conventional sense; it would seem silly not to use such support.
When someone brings up a physiological process, it tends to be the final say, ending the argument in a way that has less than adequate support.
To use a non-sexual example (just for now), consider how many times you have heard someone say when discussing emotional disorders, "There is an actual chemical imbalance in the brain," as though the rest of the conclusions were not actual. This seems to shut everybody up, right?
You may even adhere to this idea. In this case, I would ask that next time you are angry and someone tells you to calm down, to explain to them, as angrily as possible, that your pituitary-adrenocortical and pituitary-gonadal systems are pumping you full of catecholamines, norepinephrine and testosterone, and that it is out of your hands. It is an uncontrollable chemical imbalance. Your friend might punch you.
The physical seems to be more immediate to our understanding than the spiritual, intellectual and emotional. This leads to the limiting belief that the physical trumps everything else.
But the physiological and the emotional are tied together. To say what your adrenal system is doing is to say that you are angry. And you can calm down and control your adrenal system.
But Pierce, what does this have to do with sex?
Everything! You are your body, in a way. You can change, and so can your body. When the physical loses its trump card (or, when you stop believing in its authority), you do not have to be tired after sex. You can feel more energized! Girls: You do not have to use lube. You can wet yourself! Guys: You do not have to lose your boner after ejaculating. Keep it! Girls: You do not have to feel like cuddling after sex. You can give head! Kidding. Kind of.
This, of course, can be applied to your "game" as well. No more excuses or shifts of responsibility. There is only you. No other road. No other way. No day but today. So any time you catch yourself explaining something in terms of its physicality, ask whether it could be explained from another perspective, perhaps in terms of what the physical represents, such as emotions.
Of course, there are physical exercises to overcoming flaccidity and tiredness and coming quickly. I covered that already in past columns. In the meantime, if you ever hear your neuroscience buddy say, "Actually, the mind has an excess neurotransmitter that prevents anyone from blah blah blah," politely remind him that Usain Bolt ran faster than people thought humanly possible.?
If you would like to suggest story ideas, e-mail getpierced@jhunewsletter.com
