Has anyone else had trouble sleeping lately? I highly doubt it's only been me . . . More and more I find myself turning on the TV or surfthechannel.com at 3 a.m. in an attempt to numb my mind so that I can snag a few hours before I'm up with the sun (not necessarily as early as the sun, but you know, 10-ish when the sun is already up). Either that or I fall asleep reading, desperately trying to stay current with class assignments. In the precious few moments last night that I allowed the silence to encroach upon my state of contentedness, I came to understand that I'm really uncomfortable with this uneasy quiet, and I began to wonder if anyone else faces these same problems. In truth, I already know that this isn't a unique fear - I have friends that occupy themselves with idle deeds to the point of exhaustion and even then still have a beer to induce sleep. Another guy I know tells himself elaborately epic stories, making up entire fantasy worlds in order to avoid the internal dialogue that accompanies the darkness. But not all of us are so creative.
So now there are 24-hour news programs, 24-hour talk radio. There is even 24-hour sports programming if that's your preference. And so we watch TV, we listen to music, sometimes we may attempt to read if we can keep our thoughts from wandering. We attend rallies, classes, events and movies. We distract ourselves with idle conversation and surround ourselves with friends and ambient noise. We chat online and text incessantly. And when we're not texting, we're making a call. We buy pets and play video games. We doodle and we write.
We do everything we can to avoid being alone, because when we're not alone, we don't have to answer questions. Not the mindless questions like the ones that concern the events of our day; these are the questions we ask ourselves, the questions that beckon from the darkness, that are born from the voice of silence. But if you fall asleep without the TV on or without the music keeping the stillness of the night at bay, you will hear these questions, and you can't help it.
These are the questions we avoid all day, the ones we can only ask ourselves, for we alone are aware of our greatest failures and our deepest fears. Are we doing enough to get into med school? Are we fulfilling our obligations to our fellow man? Does that girl in my discussion section like me? Is my boyfriend cheating on me? How am I going to pay next semester's tuition? When am I going to do that work? What will I do after school? How am I going to tell him I'm pregnant? The list is endless and unique to each of us, but the fear of silence is universal.
In our present day society we face some of the most profound questions in history, some of which - for example, what is the meaning of life? - have been around since the birth of critical thought (Though now even these historically unanswerable questions face more scrutiny than ever in light of technological and scientific advances). Others are more recent developments, such as how we will address global warming. And more than any other generation before us, we are armed with the ability as a society to answer these impossible questions.
We stand not on the broad shoulders of giants but perched atop their heads, holding onto what I imagine is curly hair. And we are not simply along for the ride; instead we are in a position to grab a hold of those wavy locks and steer the titans of history in the direction of our choosing. But what direction will we choose: Will we take the easy route and not face our greater demons, or will we draw a line the sand and force our better angels to prevail? The choice is one we must face both individually and as a collective.
Our generation must not answer the silence with timidity, but with one booming voice that resounds with conviction: "We are no longer afraid. We are ready to shoulder the mantle of stewardship. We are prepared to do what is right, however hard that may be. We recognize our fallibility, yet we are confident in the righteousness of our actions. We understand our weaknesses, yet we remain optimistic of success in our every endeavor. Our resolve is strong; we will not be corrupted, we will not falter from our directive, we will not be deterred, and we will not fail." And if we do this, perhaps we will no longer fear the questions that linger in the silence, and we won't need a television night-light to protect us while we fall asleep. Then when we no longer fear this silence, we can begin to accomplish what we claim to care for so dearly.
