My last article was about a sexual double standard. This week, I think it is fitting to write about a gender-role double standard, especially when so many are talking about it in the Halloween season.
Dressing, or otherwise behaving like a slut, is usually used as an insult, referring to (generally) the results of two divisions. The first is whether or not a girl has self-respect and self-esteem, a more internal motivation. The second is a more ostensible reason, a girl's A) inability to use anything other than looks to hook those of the preferred sex, or B) her embrace of the physical, usually also implying her jettison of anything intellectual or "deep."
I (obviously) realize that I am a man, and I have obvious incentives to defend slutty behavior. I can tell you that I am writing this in an effort to allow us all to become more comfortable with ourselves as sexual creatures and not to convince girls to be easier, and I tell you this now.
Let us start with the girl who does not like herself. She seeks to prove her worthiness by attracting lots of sexual partners, doing so by flaunting her body. And this is an unfortunate thing, that a girl cannot rely on herself, and must seek validation from others. Why? Because it is tiring for her and those around her, and generally does not promote emotional stability and welfare. And so people suffer.
But is this behavior to be mocked or ridiculed? Not by those who genuinely wish to promote self-esteem for everyone. I am not referring to joking, where the concepts and ideas are used with no malicious intent or derogatory belief behind them. I mean the concept of thinking of a slut as worth less than another is enough for the both of you (let me be clear: That is not a fortunate thing.)
If, however, we are referring to a girl with a healthy self-esteem, who flaunts to catch (wo)men, surely she must be a lesser human being. After all, it would seem she cannot draw up a "real" connection with someone, and not because she is too busy seeking validation.
But here, we find the physical being victimized by a ressentiment (French). Where so many exalt the physical, the one who "discovers" the emotional/intellectual/spiritual now assures us that the physical is shallow, and all else is deep and meaningful. Therefore, anyone still attached to the physical, so long as that person is of high self-esteem, can now be looked down on. Right?
Ressentiment, a concept explored by Nietzsche, has no actual effect in one's philosophy other than gratifying the concept of being better than what you are against. Mass-Culture idolizes money; Sub-Culture, rather than being money-neutral (the more healthy attitude), hates money. Anything involving money, especially big companies, is inherently to evil and to be avoided.
For us, this means that the Deep People look down on the Shallow precisely so they can look up to themselves. Just as with the girl with low self-esteem, this belief is a source of validation outside the self.
In other words, if there were no Shallow People, the Deep would have to look elsewhere for belief in themselves, because they lost what they had. In fact, this analysis applies to looking down on the girl with low self-esteem as well. In this case, however, the girl with high self-esteem is unaffected by the cover or pretense, and the only suffering is your own.
Notice that neither argument actually depends on the second division, the girl's more ostensible reason for dressing sluttily. This is because, from the perspective of promoting emotional welfare (the best way to promote sexual welfare, my job), it is irrelevant. If she decides to don attire that is less than appropriate (and less material), because it is the only way for her to attract people, then let her. We already know that believing people with low self-esteem are worth less than we are does more harm than good.
Regarding a girl with high self-esteem dressing "inappropriately," the common retort is, "Well, then she is only focused on sex and missing what really matters in life." Now, we know that I am all for well-roundedness, and to miss out on things other than sex is unfortunate (in my opinion), but to say that the physical is somehow less important, or not what "really matters" is taking the moral high ground of righteousness.
For some, this argument is consistent with the way they choose to live their lives. But many people use this exact argument while also believing it is wrong to impose or degrade others for their moral beliefs. Either, we must stop degrading, or start believing it is okay to do so. I am of the former opinion.
