It always amazes me which songs manage to get air time on the radio. There have been so many times when I think that I could write something much better. However, as my old roommate never ceases to remind me, people aren't paying millions of dollars to see me in concert. The following is a list of songs with lyrics I have found to be particularly horrible:
So many of Fergie's songs have terrible lyrics that I felt it was only fair to mention three of them:
"Big Girls Don't Cry"
"I'm gonna miss you like a child misses his blanket"
Excellent use of simile here, Fergie. Too bad it doesn't even rhyme with the next line.
"Fergilicious"
"T to the A to the S T E Y, girl you're tasty"
Apparently, she's so tasty that Will.I.Am can't remember how to spell.
"London Bridge"
"How come every time you come around my London, London Bridge wanna go down?"
Did we ever figure out what this means?
Nirvana - "Smells Like Teen Spirit"
"A mulatto, an albino, a mosquito, my libido, Yay!"
I understand the analogy between the two skin colors but have always been confused by what a mosquito has to do with Kurt's libido. Only Courtney Love knows for sure.
50 Cent - "21 Questions"
"I love you like a fat kid love cake."
As bad (and grammatically incorrect) as this lyric is, it's at least a better simile than Fergie's.
The Turtles - "Happy Together"
"So happy together/how is the weather?"
Sometimes songwriters have a great deal of trouble finding a suitable rhyme. You win some, you lose some.
Elton John - "Your Song"
"If I was a sculptor, but then again, no"
Then why bother mentioning it? On the plus side, I always thought he made a much better musician.
Steve Miller Band - "The Joker"
"Some people call me Maurice, 'cause I speak of the pompitous of love."
I've checked all the dictionaries, and no, "pompitous" is not a word.
MIMS - "This is Why I'm Hot"
"I'm hot 'cause I'm fly, you ain't 'cause you're not, this is why, this is why, this is why I'm hot"
Well there you have it folks, the answer you all have been waiting for. You ain't 'cause you're not. It's as simple as that. I don't think this reasoning would go over so well in a debate, though.
Sugar Ray - "Fly"
"All around the world statues crumble for me/who knows how long I've loved you/everywhere I go people stop and they see/25 years old/My mother God rest her soul"
I was always so confused by this verse. Is he 25 or is his mother? Is she dead? And what do that and the statues have to do with him loving me?
Lil Mama - "Lip Gloss"
"They say my lip gloss is poppin'/my lip gloss is cool/all the boys keep jockin'/they chase me after school"
I'm sorry, girls, but no guy is gonna be "jockin'" simply because you've got sexy lip gloss on. I can tell you from personal experience that most guys find it annoying.
Third Eye Blind - "Slow Motion"
"Now the cops will get me/But girl, if you would let me/I'll take your pants off/I gotta a little bit of blow/we could both get off/later bathing in the afterglow/two lines of coke I'd cut with Drano/and her nose starts to bleed/a most beautiful ruby red"
Oh, Stephan Jenkis, you never cease to turn me on. The fact that you're a murderer and a drug dealer just makes you so much hotter. No wonder this song never made it onto their CD.
