You have all have gotten away with a lot of mistaken thinking about sex, and shame on you. If just gods intervened in human affairs, they would inflict irritable bowel syndrome on anyone who dared think about sex as being just "procreation", "penetration", or any of the myriad things you small-minded mortals take it to mean.
Sexuality is not about sticking bits of you into somebody else any more than it is just about making babies. Sexual intimacy is not even just limited to things involving your genitals.
Sexual intimacy is simply about being sensual with someone else. Sometimes we touch each other to communicate love, but it's usually not as grand as that. Touching's most simple and clinical purpose is to make someone get happy, setting them at rest and helping them to feel easy.
Of course, everyone who thinks, "How can I improve my sex life?" begins by hitting up Wikipedia for new and outrageous sexual positions (honey, could we test-drive the "modified T-square" this afternoon?). They may even scout the area for ingenious locations (hm, how sturdy is the History Seminar Room table?). These are great ways to expand your sex life, but the best way to explore something new is to go back to the bedroom and do something simple - sensual massage.
This is a little different from erotic massage, which you're probably aware of - the rub-and-tug "happy ending" offered at your local massage parlor for a few tax-deductible dollars. Sensual massage is not exclusively about the genitals; it can involve any part of the body. But like the best erotic massage or the best intercourse, sensual massage is capable of making someone truly feel good 'n pleasured. What is more, it is very classy. There is as much art to it as any hand job. Indeed, sensual massage is a highly specialized art with professionals of its own. But it is also something that anyone can pick up.
What follows is a brief attempt to do a little bit of justice to this art ("summary justice," as my friend Natasha once put it) in the form of some introductory lessons to get you started.
First things first: Turn off your noisemaking technology, dim the lights, load up a mellow music mix and lie somebody - a friend, a lover, the TA who's grading your orgo lab - down on a couch or bed and take off their clothes.
A good place to start a massage session is the on abdomen. An easy technique to begin with is called "swimming." Here's how it works:
Lay your palms on your partner's lower abdomen, wrists on opposite sides, fingers pointing inward. Press down ever-so gently, keeping your fingers together. Slide each hand to the opposite love-handle, then slide them back, and forth again. Repeat that a good three or four times, then move just a few inches upward, and continue with the sliding.
You may hear your partner sigh from time to time. This is good.
Try to keep the whole maneuver as smooth as possible, continuing up toward the shoulders and stopping just before the neck. Be sure to attend to the breasts and what-have-you - don't be shy now! These things are, of course, more sensitive, so be gentler.
A key thing to keep in mind is that you're trotting your palms out onto on hallowed ground. The chest is sensitive territory (as are the other areas of the body I'm going to talk about in a minute). The term you've probably heard is "erogenous zone." Perhaps you pride yourself on being able to name all "seven erogenous zones." But this is a misunderstanding. The body's whole surface is capable of channeling sensations into arousal, more or less. And there is no canonical set of most-erogenous zones; the pattern of sensitivity differs from person to person.
From the abdomen, progress to the arms and try some "throwing," "snaking" and "rolling." These three moves will release a lot of tension in the arms, the kind built up after years of writing 5-10 page papers on chloroplastids and Russian grammar. Lift the arm by the hand and elbow and hold the arm vertically by the wrist. Toss the arm from one hand to the other, several times, increasing the span as you go. Then hold the arm upright and "snake": Starting from the shoulder up to the wrist, squeeze the muscle at close successive intervals. Do this repeatedly, squeezing at slightly different angles each time, and varying your speed. Then "roll": Bend the arm over the elbow and knead it, like clay, up its length. Don't forget the other arm.
Another good place to get going is the hands, the most stressed-out part of the body, and one of the most sensitive. Grasp your partner's hand, palm down, with both of yours, also palms down, while you feel out the bony back of the hand, kneading it with your thumbs in small circles.
All of these strokes invigorate the muscle tissue, aiding circulation and even the nutrition of the inner tissue. Alright, alright, I hear you protesting. "Doggy style can do that, too." Yes, loyal readers, this is true. But you've done it doggy style 15 times this week. Surely you want something new?
You'll want to work on the back, for which you may wish to try something percussive, like pounding, knuckle rapping or "hacking." Space won't permit me to explain too much here, but if you'd like to learn more you should check out http://sexuality.org, or The Art of Sensual Massage (1973), an excellent work by Gordon Inkeles.
