We've all heard the saying, "It's not how big it is, it's what you do with it," or my personal favorite, "It's not the size of the boat; it's the motion of the ocean." This is one of those fears that all guys seem to grow up with: "Am I normal? How much bigger or smaller am I than everyone else?"
We can blame some of the more recent male fears of inadequacy on Sex in the City, which featured a somewhat larger than physically correct sex toy. Competing with vibrating plastic can be intimidating for some. While it would be easy to write about what to do with a finger, it's more complicated when dealing with the living end of the spectrum. I've known a girl or two to be traumatized when faced with an oversized log when she was only expecting enough to pitch a tent.
Yes, you need more than a lipstick tube in bed, but when you confront phallus overloadus, as my favorite sex columnist calls it, it's nearly as bad because you don't know what to do with it.
I will pause for a moment as to allow all the insecure, under-endowed guys right now a moment of schadenfreude -- there are few times that someone else having a large penis will make you feel sexually superior. Here's your moment -- milk it for all it's worth.
A variety of studies have come out in the last decade that rate the average erect penis size from 5.1 inches to 5.9 (the latter study done in Cancun over Spring Break). For those who fall above this range, you run into some tricky manipulations where the normal moves just don't work. For all those guys out there saying, "Cry me a river" -- imagine putting something between six to ten inches, hard and (hopefully) wide into your mouth or any other orifice and see how comfortable you are.
When facing a lumberjack, realize that there are as many different penis-size combinations for men, as there are different sizes of Georgia O'Keeffe's inspiration. What might not be comfortable for one girl might be fine for the next. Even if you're a bit worried, give it the good ol' college try and you might end up surprising yourself. Remember there are a few tricks to give yourself a fighting chance.
First, relax. This isn't just a hippie breathing suggestion, because if you're tense, things are going to get rough -- and tight. Go back to your Sesame Street days for a minute. Can a large peg fit into a small hole? No. We don't need the engineers to figure this out. If you don't relax, you're going to need more than a little lubrication to make the evening go smoothly. All girls know if they're not into it, you could buy out a pharmacy and it wouldn't be the same. Everyone really just should have a bottle of water-based lube on hand anyway for impromptu massages and other hand-based jobs.
Moving past the mental cockblock, the next rule of the phallus overloadus is not to be an overachiever and control the action. Contrary to popular belief and porn fantasies, you do not have to devour a whole rod to have great oral sex. Honestly, trying to explain a fellatio-based sore throat to friends will cause more snickers than sympathy.
Just because you don't need to make a meal of going down on a well-hung guy doesn't mean you should slack -- hands become more important now than ever. Use them in conjunction with your mouth but also before your lips even start the melting ice cream routine. If he's proportional, he's going to be pretty wide, and if you don't let your hands give him a head start, you're going to get a pretty solid case of lock-jaw from being down there so long.
The same rules apply for sex -- you don't need to take all of it. But here's where control comes into play -- girl on top is your best choice. Push body issues aside and saddle up.
In theory, all girls are built to bear children, so a guy sporting a rod long enough to give us pause shouldn't be a problem. Then again, a baby is moving in one direction, and won't pull a jackhammer move on you in bed. Girl-on-top and reverse cowgirl (girl-on-top but riding backwards) gives a girl the most control to take in all she wants while making everyone happy. After all, some guys would be happy to only get their workouts from going to the gym.
Another position that has been suggested is spooning with some sex thrown in. This lets in enough action without the depth of missionary, which should just never be done if you're a guy over the national average -- or if a girl wants to be able to walk the next day. The take-home message here: give the girl the reigns and reduce the dick dosage and you'll be fine.
Maybe it's just my ploy to make girls a little more active in bed, or maybe I would just like never to be asked again, "I'm above average, right?" But, hopefully this gives new meaning to be careful what you wish for.
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l to take in all she wants while making everyone happy. After all, some guys would be happy to only get their workouts from going to the gym.
Another position that has been suggested is spooning with some sex thrown in. This lets in enough action without the depth of missionary, which should just never be done if you're a guy over the national average - or if a girl wants to be able to walk the next day. The take home message here: give the girl the reigns and reduce the dick dosage and you'll be fine.
Maybe it's just my ploy to make girls a little more active in bed, or maybe I would just like never to be asked again, "I'm above average, right?" but, hopefully this gives new meaning to be careful what you wish for.
