A while ago I was out with some guy friends and the conversation turned to Spring Break and the new relationship that one of them had just entered. The inevitable question came up: "So what's going to happen on break?" The guy in question wasn't sure.
He knew he liked his girlfriend but wanted to be a free agent for that week. The solution proposed by the other guys at the time was, "Well, build up trust with her now, and then you can mess around on break and she won't know the difference." All the guys at the table laughed. I've sat through a lot of conversations when I was the only girl there, but this was the first time I thought, "I just don't get it." Unfortunately, while I was confused, I wasn't that surprised.
When I started to write about this, I was worried that this would become the "all guys are horrible because..." column. It hopefully will not. There are girls who cheat but not nearly in the same numbers or for all the same reasons that guys do.
I think a friend summed it up when I asked her about cheating on campus. "It's prevalent," she said, "like a cancer."
The Hopkins mentality makes it hard for a lot of people to casually date -- either you're serious or just hooking up once in a while. There are a lot of people who are in relationships because they would rather be comfortable than be single. This situation means that you'll be looking for someone better -- or at least someone better on a given night.
The solution to this problem? Break up with the person. Don't hurt them by cheating, especially with someone else at Hopkins. Not only will you be causing a ridiculous number of awkward situations in your future, but your indiscretion will eventually get back to him/her and it'll hurt a lot more than getting the "It's not you, it's me" speech.
Also remember that outsourcing still counts as cheating. It doesn't matter if he/she goes to a different school, it's still cheating. Maybe you won't be caught right away, but when everyone else knows and your significant other is the only one out of the loop, then your partner looks dumb.
In the initial anecdote, my friend made one fatal assumption -- that once single (and Spring Break is a special circumstance), he could get a buffet of booty. Were you getting that much before you were in a relationship? If you're ready to settle down then do it, and be happy that the best sexual experimenting is yet to come while you're consistently with someone whom you like. If you know you're still looking to kick a new person out of your bed a few times a week, don't look to a girlfriend/boyfriend to be there waiting on the nights the 2 a.m. rush was unsuccessful.
My favorite group of cheaters is the distance cheaters. People in distance relationships truly take an impressive amount of caring and work. When someone stays faithful while dating a person in another city, they are beating extraordinary odds. The reasons for cheating in a distance relationship are obvious. I won't get into them, but I have one request: Do not cheat with someone at Hopkins.
You put all of your friends who know about your infidelity in an awkward situation. No one's going to rat you out, at least not intentionally, but it's a bad move.
Whatever your reasons for cheating, you are hurting everyone else too. If you break someone's trust, they're not going to want to trust someone for a while -- so we all end up paying for it.
To ensure that the "slipping your mind when slipping it to someone" defense is no longer viable, remember this definition from Webster's: Loyal: 1. Unswerving in allegiance; 2. Faithful to a private person to whom fidelity is due.
