I have to say, it's really awkward when my friend's boyfriend suggests questions for this column. When out one night, he pulled me aside to ask, "Well [sips beer], I think she's faking it with me [bigger sips of beer]. Not always, but a few nights ago she went on for like 15 seconds -- that's completely not possible, right?"
The question, however awkward it might be, is an important one. How can you tell a girl's actually faking an orgasm?
It's understandable why a guy might get confused. For men, coming is pretty straightforward: to quote Clerks, "insert in moist hole and pump." Like all things that have to do with girls, our grand finale (and maybe encore) is a little more complex. For girls, you have to deal with the one sexual organ that has nothing to do with reproduction -- it is there purely for fun.
So how do we make it fun?
First, go mug someone for his or her biology book. When you're looking though it, you might notice that there are two ways to go about this, essentially two types of orgasms. One a girl has during sex, no hands needed; the other is a hands-on project. The hands-free orgasm is pretty difficult for a lot of girls, so don't worry about it now. I know so many girls who get way too worried about why they're not coming during sex that they are their own cockblocks. Worrying kills all fun and all the good things that come from it.
So knowing that, if you're a guy, how do you call out a faker? Essentially you need to know what to look for and actually care that she's faking it -- which any guy should. Although I said there are two "types" of orgasms, they accomplish the same sets of physical responses so you only need to go through one mental check list once to pick out a poser.
The first thing to look for may be hard to notice during sex. A girl's breathing should pick up as well. Sex counts as cardio exercise for a reason. Next check for the "sex flush." The good workout should give every girl a rosy glow. The other impossible one to fake is dilated pupils -- yet another good reason to have sex with the lights on. When we flirt with someone whom we like, our pupils get bigger. When we take to its ultimate end, our eyes geteven wider. It's a minor detail, but it is something to notice.
The other hard-to-fake sign is momentarily losing control. This scenario holds true for both guys and girls.
Someone needs to put a lot of effort into faking this one, although it is indeed possible for the best bedroom actresses out there. Watch for her body to go stiff for a second.
Some guys worry about this reaction, but there's nothing she can do about it, and it's certainly a good sign, to say the very least. If she stays that way for too long, you have more of a problem than wondering if she's faking, but when some muscle groups get tense, it is a good thing.
The internal contractions that a guy would mainly feel during sex will let you know if it's a real "O" or not.
This leads me back to the original question. Can this realistically go on for 15 seconds? Yes...Yes! Yes! Yes!
Joking aside, a decent "O" lasts between three to five seconds. A good one can last probably up to 15 seconds, although I'll admit most people won't hit that high mark.
One of the good parts about being a girl is that while the quality of sex is always up in the air, we always have a greater capacity for quantity to make up for it. After the first round is over, every girl has the possibility of going for an encore round or two.
There are two types of "second rounds." First, there's the orgasm that just didn't end. This happens when one wave hits after another within a few seconds of each other.
Sounds great, doesn't it? To do this, it usually involves hitting multiple spots simultaneously -- here's where some cooperative teamwork can pay off.
The other orgasm is a sequential one, which essentially means a girl needs some downtime in between (something all guys can understand, that's for sure) although, fortunately, we can usually be back in the game without much delay, within a few minutes.
The final question here though is, why am I selling girls out? Why should I be a traitor and help guys find the fakers among us? Essentially when girls fake it, they're actually short changing themselves, too.
If you really just want things to move along or if a guy needs an occasional ego boost, that's fine, but faking orgasms should not become the habit it unfortunately becomes for most people.
Telling a guy that he's doing something right when he's not is not helping anyone -- not you or the girls who will come after you. Unfortunately if a girl doesn't speak up, her guy's going to keep doing the same thing.
For my friend and her boyfriend it sounds like if he kept doing the same thing she'd be pretty happy.
For all the rest of the guys who might not be so lucky, remember to call out fakers gently -- this is not something you accuse someone of without being very considerate or handling it lightly.
Don't forget though that you're doing her a favor by inquiring because the next time it happens (or doesn't, I guess) she doesn't have to fake it if she won't feel it.
Once you show her the light she won't want to go back to pretending.
Editor's Note: The columnist is not a trained medical professional. If you are seeking professional medical advice, please consult your doctor. To send questions anonymously, go to http://www.jhunewsletter.com and click on "Contact Us."
