Here is a short list of Winter Olympic "sports" that have been broadcast on NBC and its 157 affiliate networks in the last two weeks: skeleton, nordic combined skiing, biathlon, short track speed skating, luge and curling.
Say what you will about the political and cultural contributions of the Ancient Greeks, but you have to admit they had weird taste in winter sports.
Of course, I won't make the argument that the Summer Olympics are completely true to the spirit of the original games. It's tough to imagine a bunch of nude Mediterranean-looking guys getting together to play beach volleyball (hairy naked men jumping up and down, have fun getting that image out of your head).
But when the Olympic Games were resurrected in 1896, they had the right idea -- getting different countries together to participate in a few sports (nine sports, to be precise) that everyone could agree on. Of course, more sports and many more countries needed to be added, but it was a start. Now, it seems that every four years, the term "Olympic athlete" carries a little less meaning. For example, why did they feel the need to add badminton as an Olympic sport in 1992? Were the table tennis players tired of getting their asses kicked in the Olympic Village?
But at least the Summer Games are widespread -- in 2004, 202 nations were represented, which means that the Olympics appeals to more countries than the United Nations (or they're less picky about what counts as a country, whatever). So do we really need another games?
While the most recent Summer Olympics included 202 countries (or principalities, or fiefdoms, you know what I mean), there are only 80 participating in the 2006 Torino Games. And I bet at least half of them are in Scandinavia. It just doesn't seem like the Winter and Summer Olympics should have the same surname. It's like Michael and Marcus Vick.
Fans of the Winter Games all say the same thing to me: competing at the Olympics (whether Winter or "Real") takes so much athleticism, dedication and bravery. And I'm not denying that that is the case (except in the case of skeleton. And the luge. And bobsledding. And curling). I have a lot of respect for some of those athletes. But are the games really worth canceling My Name is Earl and The Office for? I think not.
When you think about the Olympics, you think about some of the most landmark moments in the history of sports: Jesse Owens getting four gold medals in Berlin in 1936, spitting in the face of Hitler's Aryan superiority propaganda; Hungary winning a bloody water polo match against the USSR in 1956 while their countrymen were losing a bloody insurgency against the Soviets; and the Dream Team making every other country in Barcelona look like a bad AAU team.
But what about the Winter Olympics? Other than the Miracle on Ice, what else has there been? Jamaica's bobsled team apparently made it once, but I'm not even sure if that really happened. There was Nancy Kerrigan taking silver in the Battle of Wounded Knee, but I think that mostly just reflects poorly on the arm strength of Tonya Harding's hired goon.
I've enjoyed watching a few of the events, namely men's hockey and women's curling (only because it's fun watching hot blonde girls push a broom). But last Thursday, the Games only garnered 15.8 million primetime viewers, putting them a good deal behind ABC's Dancing With the Stars, which got 18.3 million.
I'm sure plenty of people will begrudge me for writing this column, but the numbers don't lie. The American people (and by "people," I can only assume that I mean "women") are more interested in watching Jerry Rice's moves than Sasha Cohen's. And it's not just the viewers who don't seem to care -- it's the athletes.
For example, take Bode Miller, the highly-touted U.S. skier, who admitted on 60 Minutes that he enjoys skiing drunk, saying, "You're putting your life at risk . . . It's like driving drunk, only there are no rules about it in ski racing." After four events, Miller has yet to win a medal. Or Lindsey Jacobellis, the American snowboarder who blew a large lead in a finals race after she wiped out -- while performing a showboat move within sight of the finish line.
And let's not forget that basically every sport in the Winter Olympics completely excludes anyone of low economic standing. I doubt curling has much of a following in any developing countries -- and there probably aren't many curling rinks in inner-city areas.
If these winter pseudo-athletes want to have an organized world championships, I say let them have one, if only to keep the Scandinavians happy (they're deadly with snowballs).
But calling the games the Olympics and giving them the requisite ludicrous coverage just seems like a futile attempt to dress them up as something they aren't -- something meaningful.
