Adalayda--Room to BreatheSuperkalaOct. 7, 2003
As I climbed into the back of my friend's Toyota Previa, I noticed a band promo lying on the floor among the trash.? On its cover were four hipsters looking melodramatic and insightful with the band name "Adelayda" in gritty, violent splatter paint letters on the cover of their debut album Room to Breathe.? I immediately thought, "This band must really suck."? So I offered to review their CD.? And guess what?? They do!? After strapping myself to a chair for a listen, I must say that the only place this CD belongs is covered in trash on the floor of a beat-up, early-90's minivan.? Either there or on board a NASA expedition to answer the question, "Where do Black Holes lead?"
I would rather pry my own eyeballs from their sockets with a rusty chisel set than endure this disgusting agglomeration of the styles of Matchbox 20, Third Eye Blind, and every sorry convention utilized by such modern pop-rock garbage; the garbage that has pilfered the name "Alternative" in a slow, painful, malicious manner not unlike that of some horrible South American virus liquefying the internal organs of an unfortunate Amazonian subsistence cattle farmer.? I'm sure the band thinks they sound nothing like these bands, but please, don't believe them.?
The lyrics on this CD are so jarringly bad they border on self-parody.? For instance, take this excerpt from "Not Tonight": "Do you remember all the things you said to me? / You made 'em sound so simple but they're just not that easy / And you swear that I could be someone / Hold you for all time / Baby, not tonight..." What the hell is this?? Middle school love notes?? And that's just the lyrics!? The music is just as bad.?
No one wants to listen to painfully simple bar chords being played on the $3000 dollar guitars that the band bought after they got their "big break" (i.e.-playing in bars for their friends until some soulless A & R rep shows up and thinks, "Hey, this band sucks and I'm drunk!? Let's sign them!)? At least I don't want to listen to that.? And you know what?? If I want to listen to some moron "singer/songwriter" who thinks the world cares about his insignificant emotional baggage and that telling us all about it will get him girls, I'll jingle two quarters in my pocket all the way down to the Make-Pretend Band Liquidation Warehouse and pick up five dozen of them.
