Some movies make you sad. Others make you melancholy, wistful, or despondent. These movies make you feel utterly hopeless. Enjoy.
They Shoot Horses, Don't They? (1969, dir. Sydney Pollack)
Jane Fonda and Michael Sarrazin star in this Depression-era downer about a dance marathon. That's right, a dance marathon.
30-some couples dance for thousands of hours virtually non-stop until one couple is left standing. Patrons pay a nickel to watch these people torture themselves so they can feel better about their own lives. So basically the movie is about an endless cycle of suffering supported by money because there is a lack of money. It doesn't end happily.
Lessons Learned:
They shoot horses.
Why Grandma steals sugar packets from restaurants.
Jane Fonda can act.
Carnal Knowledge
(1971, dir. Mike Nichols)
The film charts Jack Nicholson and Art Garfunkel's relationships with women and each other, from college to middle age. While Garfunkel begins as the more innocent of the two, he soon join Nicholson in a deep, dank pool of sexual depravity. But Nicholson's character is even worse: he makes a slide show of all the women he's ever slept with (women he euphemistically calls "ball-busters.") There's no love in this film, only lust and self-hatred. Dag, man.
Lessons Learned:
An Ivy-League education does not guarantee happiness.
Candace Bergen's voice once sounded feminine.
Art Garfunkel can act.
In the Company of Men
(1997, dir. Neil LaBute)
Aaron Eckhart and Matt Malloy star as two office dudes who decide to cruelly manipulate a deaf female co-worker by convincing her that they both love her. In reality, neither does. Well, one of them does, but he's not the one she ends up with. As with above examples, love has no place here. And have you ever seen a deaf girl cry? It's pretty heartbreaking.
Lessons Learned:
Shirts and ties do not denote civilization.
Some theater directors who go into movies don't know where to put their camera.
Aaron Eckhart can't act.
Requiem for a Dream
(2000, dir. Darren Aronofsky)
This movie about the doom and gloom of drug abuse is essentially a two-hour public service announcement. You know what I'm talking about -- those mock-music videos they used to show during Saturday morning cartoons. Like "The Unity Gang presents Lend a Helpin' Hand" or "BG&E Boys present Don't Ever Touch the Wires." Seriously, that's what this movie is. It's horrific, heartfelt and hopeless, but it's also pretty simple. And lame.
Lessons Learned:
Pot is a gateway drug.
Doing drugs requires a four-piece orchestra.
"Oye, listen, AIDS is a killer."
