Most of us have wondered at one time or another what it would be like to have a superpower of one sort or another. The most oft-mentioned superpowers that one would like to possess include invisibility, the ability to fly and the ability to read the minds of others. One friend, who shall remain nameless, even once suggested to me that he would like to have the power to spontaneously induce orgasm in others. (The possibilities for mischief within MSE would be endless, but we'll leave it at that.)
Do these fanciful wishes tell us anything about ourselves? Probably not, but if there's one place to look for that answer, it's probably in the dream world. With that in mind, I've attempted to compile and present the advice of some of the world's experts (read: two-bit Internet entrepreneurs).
Perhaps you'll be a bit more enlightened at the end of reading this piece, or perhaps you'll just have wasted a significant bit of time. If you're a regular reader of "The Cock Block," you're betting on the latter.
First, invisibility. The obvious response to the person who says he (it's always a he) would want to have the power to be invisible is that he just wants to sneak into girls' locker rooms. I should start by saying that this is probably true. I can't think of too many practical uses for the power to be invisible. Perhaps for international espionage it would be an extremely useful power.
Aside from that, there are very few practical applications of an ability to remain invisible. Theft is ruled out, because presumably people will think something is amiss upon seeing floating objects move themselves out of a store (or bank, if you're particularly ambitious).
Of course, there's always the super-invisibility fantasy, that everything connected to you also becomes invisible at your wish (such as clothing). Perhaps then the invisibility superpower has slightly more utility, but even then it's attractive only to potential thieves and voyeurs.
Well, what does invisibility mean when encountered in our dreams? According to Dreaming@Swoon, available at http://www.swoon.com, a site I just found on the Internet a few moments ago, "A dream featuring the rare element of invisibility signifies swift and unexpected changes for the better." But how does Dreaming@Swoon determine this? Surely some scientific process is involved. The site elaborates, saying, "[ADD TO DIARY] [WHAT IS A DREAM DIARY?]"
Well, fair enough. On to the next most frequently lusted after superpower, that of flying. Personally, this is a favorite of mine. Aside from my numerous dreams involving flying, there actually are practical uses for this superpower.
All manner of things could be dropped on unsuspecting people below, and it would probably reduce travel time significantly by logic of the old theorem that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line.
Of course, you might have to dress a bit more snugly in the winter time, since it's bound to be a bit windier up there.
But enough of my amateurish speculation. What do the experts say? Returning once again to the insights of Dreaming@Swoon, "[Flying] is one dream symbol on which practically every source from Artemidorus on down agrees." Fascinating. Please continue, Dreaming@Swoon: "It represents the dreamer's basic ambition, but the interpretation of flying (like a bird) is modified by the details of the flight and its conditions, so the surroundings, weather, etc., must be correlated with the action." In case you're wondering, the parenthetical is theirs. I'm not sure what else one would fly "like," but I'm getting off topic.
"As a general guide: If you successfully maintained your flight at a low to medium height, you can expect to achieve your goal without much difficulty. If you were trying (or straining) to reach a high altitude, the dream is telling you that your grasp is greater than your reach and you would be wise to alter your course." Let that be a warning for all you heathens out there. Finally, Dreaming@Swoon adds the following profundity: "See also: Water, Mountain, Airplane, Balloon, Clouds, Sky." They are wise beyond their years.
Dreaming@Swoon doesn't have much to say on the topic of spontaneously inducing orgasm in others. I take it that's not a frequently thought-of superpower, much less a subject of dreams. But while searching (unsuccessfully) for their insights on this matter, I did encounter some friendly advice as far as incest is concerned: We are told to, "Resist the temptation no matter how strong the pressure or how promising the proposition. It will turn out to be a matter of lasting regret, if not remorse, if you give way."
Having not had much experience with incest, I can only say that while their approach seems radical, it just might work. I can only assume that they are right on this topic - when in doubt, trust the experts!
If only more dog-breeders had listened to the good people at Dreaming@Swoon, perhaps not so many golden retrievers would get arthritis when they're two years old.
Well, I think I've exhausted the resources of Dreaming@Swoon. But there is still more to be said about superpowers. For example, do they exist in reality?
This was the premise of the exceptional(ly bad) Bruce Willis movie, Unbreakable. The movie points out that historically, art has exaggerated certain characteristics of protagonists and antagonists in stories. For example, evil characters are depicted with large, threatening mouths full of menacing teeth
Using that as its basic premise, the movie asks the unsuspecting viewer: what if comics are similar exaggerations of latent superpower abilities that we all possess? The movie makes its point by demonstrating that Bruce Willis is in fact a strong guy, capable of benching at least as much as the average college football player. From that we deduce that Bruce Willis really does have superpowers.
Actually, the casual moviegoer is likely to feel extremely violated after having watched this movie, probably just the same way you feel after having read this column. You may have realized by now that I haven't actually written about anything; how did a review of a movie that's more than a year old get in here anyway? Well, I'm the editor, so I can do what I want.
