One would think that relationships at Hopkins would be fairly stable. The kind of relationships that our parents always tell us will last a lifetime. The idea that “Oh, you’ll meet the person you’re going to marry in college” and it will be perfect. Well, apparently, we should hope that’s not the case at Hopkins because very few of the couples on our campus could be considered “stable.” One of the problems seems to be that over the years I found out that girls (mostly undergrad) at Hopkins have a terrible rep for long-term relationships. And unfortunately, it’s partially deserved. Several of my friends who have been in committed relationships here have ended up being brow-beaten and emotionally manipulated by their girlfriends.
It was a huge shock to find out that it wasn’t just the guys I knew, either. Several friends and acquaintances had noticed the same thing all over campus and in each year.
A friend of mine was telling me about one of her guy friends who was in a relationship with a girl his sophomore year.
The girl used sex to control him, and was so emotionally abusive to him that he went from being a really confident guy to a submissive and self-conscious person whenever his girlfriend was around.
Having a strong personality does not excuse treating your partner like trash, regardless of gender. Everyone laughs and calls guys like this “pussy-whipped,” never thinking about what that means. They’re written off as having a bitch for a girlfriend and then no one really thinks about it again.
These situations always seem to be centered around a specific type of personality in our classmates; girls with very assertive, high maintenance personalities who pair themselves with guys that tend to be a little more passive — not necessarily meek, but non-confrontational. The combination of these personalities tends to be destructive as one personality always overtakes the other. With the number of highly assertive, ambitious women on campus, it probably shouldn’t be so surprising that there have been so many relationships like this.
But after watching several of my guy friends get torn down by their girlfriends, I can say that I’m appalled by and ashamed of some of the girls on this campus.
Honestly, they reflect badly on their entire gender. Women at Hopkins are slowly getting a bad rep because of the increase in emotionally abusive relationships that has been occurring. It also seems like there has been a steady increase of these problems every year.
After four years, I can say I know far more within senior year than I have seen throughout the past three. I don’t know if it’s a result of the changing times or the increase in steady relationships seen in the later years of school, yet I can’t help thinking that this reeks of overcompensation. With the high population of women at Hopkins in high-stress competitive fields, they combat being outnumbered by men in their subjects by trying to control their personal relationships to an overbearing degree.
This has been seen as a common theme among domestic violence cases where men are the aggressors. Yet no one talks about female-on-male abuse. “I feel like it’s often looked at as a laughing matter because its funny to see men emasculated by women. But people don’t realize it’s really a problem. I remember having sex-ed in high school and everyone laughing when the teacher was talking about men being smacked around,” my friend said.
This isn’t a confined problem. It seems to be a serious problem throughout the Hopkins campus, but the reason is the same as everywhere else. Men don’t like to think or admit that they’re the weak ones in a situation. Just as women don’t like to admit to abuse, neither do men.
I couldn’t get very many guys to even be willing to comment on the topic let alone let me quote them. It’s embarrassing to them. But it shouldn’t be. Both men and women have to deal with the very real and serious problem of domestic abuse, in whatever form.
A big part of the problem is due to the fact that domestic violence is never talked about on our campus. Not once within four years have I ever heard anyone comment on abusive relationships.
The extent of Hopkins’s help stops at the Help Center. Despite having numerous talks on the dangers of alcohol, the campus limits sexual education to one or two actions a year. The subject seems to be mostly swept under the proverbial carpet.
