I have a rule: no sleepovers. My bed is mine. Please respect my need to sprawl out across it and I'll respect yours when I'm over (OK, so people in the AMRs won't know the concept of sprawling out over a bed for quite some time, but hey).
I'm so adamant about my anti-sleepover stance that I've been known to let people wait in my room while they call a shuttle or Hop Cops to pick them up when it's raining, cold or late. But, after all, it is my room.
My belief that "not-sharing-a-bed-makes-the-best-bedfellows," led a friend to pass me the "Booty Call Contract." This contract is first and foremost funny, and I highly suggest checking it out online. Just Google it -- no endorsements in this article, I swear -- but it has some good points, and it's based off a pretty basic notion: set down rules ahead of time and a one night stand or a booty call is so much easier.
Girls and guys come to a booty call or a one-night-stand differently. Guys don't want her to be fugly, girls want someone they're comfortable with or comfortable they won't see again (i.e. ex-boyfriends without baggage or a friend's friend from another school).
Either way, you both need to be on the same plane about what's going to take place -- the act is up to the two of you, but guilt-free fun should be the general goal.
So here it is: the Booty Call Contract.
Rule One: "No sleeping over -- unless the "act" was very good and we need to repeat it in the morning."
I would keep the first part and nix the second. My friends and I go back and forth about morning sex. Some love it, some don't. Personally, I'd rather just stay up all night, and if it's lights out when we're done, so be it. We can take a campus poll, though, and see what floats the Hopkins boat. But, really, if it wasn't good enough to stay up for, why wake-up for it?
Rule Two: "No meeting in public, except for drinks before the events of the evening."
This goes back to the booty call being about fun. Being seen together will inevitably raise the question, "are you together?" Neither of you want to deal with this. If either of you wanted a boyfriend or girlfriend, the call in the middle of the night would have been made at least 12 hours earlier, and the night would probably have involved something along the lines of dinner and a movie. Hopkins is a place where little is sacred, and even less is secret. Grabbing some drinks beforehand -- which can facilitate the night -- is really the limit.
Rule Three: "No calls before 9 p.m. We don't have anything to talk about."
I think this one is self-explanatory. For further commentary, see rule number two.
Rule Four: "None of that "lovemaking' stuff. Only SEX allowed."
Yes, I'll make it official: girls can be as horny as guys. An unattached run-in with another person with needs to be fulfilled is the perfect time to try things that seem too gruff to fit under the term "lovemaking."
If you've always wanted to be tied up, for example, then go for it. If you've been wondering what to do with that edible body paint you got as a joke from your friends, now's the time to figure it out and make Picasso turn in his grave. This holds the same for positions. I have friends who are opposed to the idea of "doggy style" because they feel that the two people don't "connect." With a booty call, however, the connection isn't necessary. Have fun. Who knows, maybe you'll start using new moves in your regular repertoire?
Rule Five: "No emotional discussions (i.e. Where are we heading with this? Was I better than your ex? Do you love me?) The answer is no, so don't ask."
Conversation should be like the sex: stress free. Topics like the meaning of life or your stress over MCATs/LSATs/GMATs are what we call downers and mood-killers. Keep those conversations to the academic advising office. Those people are being paid to listen to your moans. On the contrary, the person you're in bed with isn't ... and doesn't care!
Rule Six: "No calling each other "friends with privileges.' We are not friends, just sex buddies."
This is to preserve anonymity. A "friend with privileges" you speak to, talk about, see, and the like. A sex buddy might have a first name and definitely no identifying marks (and no, I don't care about the shape of his birthmarks). If someone's name is uncommon then I'd refrain from mentioning it. That person might have been a random hookup to you, but maybe not to your friend, waiter or eavesdropping neighbor at the next table.
If you need to brag, just make sure you'd be happy with the level of anonymity for yourself that you're giving to your sex buddy. If need be, think of code names. So far my friends and I have worked through ones like "steely pants" and "skater boy," to name a few. These pseudonyms allow the conversation to flow and can conjure up some great mental images.
Rule Seven: "No glove, no love. Go home."
Really, don't make me explain this one. More so than with anyone else, a sex buddy is always complemented by a condom. Period.
Rule Eight: "No falling asleep right after sex. It's over, so get up, get dressed and go home."
Also covered under this clause is being able to skip the cuddling, prolonged make-out sessions (both to taste, of course) and resigning to the fact you don't have to call the other person the next day.
All of these things build a relationship and allow you to open up to another person. If you're doing any of the aforementioned "bonding" activities, I think you're missing the point. Ignoring the other person is just rude, but you can surely skip the general romance and canoodling.
Guys will also be happy to know that, with a booty call, they can generally skip the marathon sex that they think is required during a relationship. Do not read that last sentence, however, and think that a girl's basic needs don't have to be met. Without the big finish(es), what's the point of the whole encounter anyway?
There are a good number of other rules to a proper booty call, but those are the basics. Personal etiquette varies: leave a note vs. not to leave a note, and the like.
But the gist is all the same: have fun and watch out to make sure the other person is also looking for nothing more than a quick session to relieve some stress. Lay your "booty-call" cards on the table.
Signing a contract might be a bit much, but, hey, whatever gets the job done and keeps you in the booty-call mindset. It is, after all, just some fun.
