“I’ve never been feminine my entire life,” Chris, a freshman at Hopkins, said.
“I was always dressing up as boys and playing with boys. And I liked to get my hair cut short, dress up and pretend to be a boy, go to different scouting events and see if I can get away with it. I was so upset when I couldn’t join Cub Scouts. I was more content when people saw me as male.”
Chris, who requested to be identified by first name only, struggled with his gender identity while growing up. He always thought of himself as masculine, but puberty was a difficult transition. Changes in body image became a serious concern.
During late junior and early senior year of high school, Chris said he tried to dress more stereotypically feminine.
“I tried to braid my hair, wear make-up, dress in nice clothes,” he said. “But I hated it so much. [I thought] ‘I can’t do this. I’ve got to be me.’ I self-identify as a trans man and straight.”
In high school, certain of his sexual orientation but worried about people’s reaction to his gender identity, Chris came out as a lesbian.
“I just kind of shoved off my gender feelings. One time someone asked me if I want to be a boy, and I said yes, and he got really freaked out. I realized ‘I can’t talk about this anymore.’”
Chris’s friends accepted his identity, but his family was more apprehensive. Although he only revealed his sexual attraction to women and did not tell them about his male identity, his family members were not accepting.
“It’s rough hearing a name that’s not my name.”
“They said they were okay, my mom specifically, but then she wouldn’t let me cut my hair for about two years. So I cut it off on the penalty of being kicked out of the house the week before I moved out,” he said. “I have a weird relationship with my family now. I hate going back to my house. I went there for the minimal required three weeks this winter. It was miserable the entire time. I don’t really get much money from them or anything like that so it’s frustrating. I talked to my family. It’s rough hearing a name that’s not my name. It’s funny because I don’t necessarily respond to it.”
Hopkins gave Chris a fresh start. He found a supportive community in the Diverse Sexuality and Gender Alliance (DSAGA), the organization serving the campus LGBTQ community.
“I’m the programming chair. We have April Awareness Day coming up,” he said.
Chris is also involved in Active Minds, a mental health awareness group. He mentioned the death of Leelah Alcorn, a transgender woman who committed suicide because her family had refused to accept her female gender identity, as an example of why he thinks there needs to be more mental health awareness for LGBTQ people. For Chris, the stigma that still surrounds LGBTQ people must be eliminated.
“Being transgender used to be considered a mental illness. It’s changing. And I want it to keep changing,” Chris said.
Generally, Chris is satisfied with the LGBTQ student life on campus. But he says there is still room for improvement.
“I want more gender-neutral bathrooms because not everybody feels comfortable and safe to go into men’s or women’s restrooms. Gender inclusive housing would also be great. Right now, [random assignments] are all suites based on gender assigned at birth unless you ask for special accommodations. And putting preferred names on rosters would be ideal,” he said. “I have to email every single professor and say ‘Please don’t use this name.’ It would be great to change names on email [and] BlackBoard.”
Chris thinks that more can be done to protect and improve the lives of transgender people. Violence against transgender people is one of his primary concerns.
“Senior year [of high school], I did a project on violence against trans people. Violence against trans women of color was specifically very prevalent,” he said. “I read online that the average lifespan of trans women of color was 23 years.”
The case of Brandon Teena, a transgender man who was raped and murdered by his friends because they found out he was born female, was an impetus for legal reform aiming to protect transgender people. Yet such legal protection is still limited.
Conversion therapy, where LGBTQ people receive therapy to try to revert them to their gender assigned at birth, is still legal in many states.
“As of the time I did my project, only 18 states had laws that considered violence against trans people hate crime. It’s considered crime at a federal level, based on gender identity expression. But that only protects you under certain circumstances,” Chris said.
“In some places conversion therapy is still legal, which is not good. Or the law might say you have to live your new gender for two or three years [before it is officially changed], which can be really hard,” he said.
Another concern of Chris’s is the price and availability of gender reforming procedures. The high cost and complicated steps involved make changing physical sex too expensive for many transgender people, who are more likely to be marginalized and economically disadvantaged. Covering gender reforming procedures under insurance, he suggested, would help transgender people.
(Hormone therapy and gender confirmation surgery are covered under the Hopkins student health insurance plan.)
Chris also pointed out the importance of being open-minded about transgender people.
“Most people think of trans people as one way. Some trans people feel, ‘Oh, I’m trapped in someone else’s body.’ But that’s not necessarily true. We should do research on stuff before we assume things. Not everybody is going to go through all aspects of gender-forming procedures,” he said. “Trans men can be feminine. Trans women can be masculine. But people are often pushed to act in certain ways. They should just be themselves.”
But Chris has hope for a more accepting society, where transgender people don’t have to fear discrimination or violence.
“It’s hard to change what notions people have, but each generation is getting better.”
